To Be Present.

A very specific conversation from last night clings to my thoughts.

To be present both now, and in the future, because I have not always been present in the past.

It was noted that usual complaints from most of society is...on a surface level. For, if it weren't for this, then it'd be that, and if not for today, then tomorrow would be something just the same.

Even on here, I have complained, whined, cried, vented, explained, breathed, and let everything out.

Is any of what I talk about important?
Some.
Not most of it, though.

In my mind, what I think would count as important would be if I got to show off my students, or travel the world and take endless photos and share amazing stories, to teach and inspire, to show others that they are not alone.
To show people how to notice the beautiful things if but a weed by the side of a freeway.
These are all important to me.

Years ago, a friend told me that it is not a relationship I was ever in search for, but a companion. Today, my psychology class defined two types of "love":

• Romantic Love (Which is actually just lust of sorts)
• Companionate Love (Which sprouts from friendship, from deeper places, from truly knowing someone by their mind, heart and soul)

Reading this...made sense.

I care for strangers.

I love those I keep close to me.

And "in love" is something I have hoped I'd have been in the past, though I know much was blindingly false.

I have been in love with myself (not in a narcissistic way). It is good to love one's self. I think I have been setting such high standards to match up (at least) to my own that, yes, I shaved off the phases most people go through in agony and heartbreak...But what those people learned during those times is to love themselves, to know which direction the wind blows for them.

I am a planner, and though my wind blows daily in a direction of its choice...I have general idea that where I'm headed is there, deep down somewhere, but should I pull it out? Aren't I too young to pull that out?

What do I absolutely want most?

Peace.

To give Love.

To receive Love.

Inspiration.

Creativity.

Knowledge.

Teaching,

Home.

Belonging to someone and/or somewhere. (Of course, I can always just belong to myself...)

Family.

Passions.

Adventures.

Food.

That was my brainstorm. I want nothing else. I see nothing else in view just quite yet. I feel I have jumped ahead to a place that even those I surround myself with are not close to being there yet. So what do I do?...What am I going to do?

I have just decided that I will talk to old people.
And people I admire. And people that I know are knowledgeable.

Life is work, and there is always something to be actively doing at work.

20:41.