I love you, Kaylin Grace Chapman!

There is so much I want need to share with her.
So much has happened in the past six months.
So much has happened in the past 8 years since we truly reconnected.

I want her to know all of the things she made me feel within the past 8 years.
I want her to know that I pushed all of those "unwanted" and "not important enough" feelings aside because they were minuscule when compared to the "belonging" and "loved" and "family" and "support" and the "no-matter-what-happens-good-or-bad-I'll-always-have-your-back" feelings that surround us when we do spend time together.

She is one of the most important people in my life! I will not let her just walk away. I will always be there for her no matter the situation.

What I wonder is...

How long will she play out this charade of ignoring me?

If I were to die, would she attend my funeral?
If I were to find myself pregnant, would she open her arms to hug me and be there for me?
If I were to get married, would she even celebrate with me?

These are all things off in their own distance (hopefully)..but that is exactly my point. Will it take those things to break her free and cure her of this blindness? Or if any of those things finally occur, will she still be hellbent to ignore and avoid me over some hurtful things said to one-another?

I need my best friend! I need her more than I care about how hurtful things have been in the past. I need her more than her "what if" scenarios. I need her more than I need to sit here and write about it in hopes that she'll read it because I know she won't listen to me any other way.

I'd write another song about it,
I'd stand on top of the world to show off a poster big enough where she couldn't help but pay attention.
I'd contact radio shows and have them say a blurb every hour on the hour.
I'd write a book about her.
I'd bombard her with flowers.

I know it sounds like I'm in love with someone, and in a way, I am in love with her, but she's my best friend! She's supposed to know me better than I know myself.

She's supposed to know that I have never and would never hide ANYTHING from her.
She's supposed to know that of course I would feel that way about her bailing on me and never attending things that were important to me, especially since I attended most of the things that mattered to her.
She's supposed to know that I have been miserable for the past 6-7 months that she's been...gone. Gone from my life.

Great, here come the tears...
My cue to leave and stop typing.

I love you, Kaylin Grace Chapman! I love you with all of my heart. You're...you've always been more than just my best friend...you've been a sister; you've been true family to me.


"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." -Richard Bach, Illusions, 1977


12:54.