Not ashamed.

I am not a shamed to be my age.

Most people my age still live at home or their parents are paying for where they live.
Their food is being paid for.  Their phone bills are being paid for. they go on vacation that have been paid for them. And if they do have a job it is to pay for the extra things that they may like to have in their life. Most people my age have vehicles that were paid for by someone other than themselves. However that is most, that is not everyone.

Most of the people that I hang out with are a good few years older than me, and are just now getting their own place or have recently moved out on their own and in with roommates. Most people I hang out with are either already done with college are reaching further into their schooling. And most people I know have no clue what they want to do with their life.

I am 19 years old.
I am a successful, self employed private music teacher.
The only reason I am going to college is to further my dream. I want to combine music art and dance therapies;  anything creative I want to integrate it into my creative therapy hopes.

I balance my time wisely and practically.
I have time to study, I have time to work TWO jobs, plus babysitting on the side whenever asked of me, I have time to care for my pets and to clean my car and apartment, I have time to eat properly and to exercise,  I have time to socialize with whoever I choose to spend time with, and I have time to spend time doing whatever makes me happy, to do whatever I want to,

I make the mistake of trying too hard to get people to like me, so that they never see who I truly am or how big and warm my heart is until everything is already screwed up.

I want to be surrounded by good, healthy people; people who are inspiring, people who encourage me in a positive direction!

I always see the good in people, or at least the good that they have the potential to be, before I see how they're really treating me or who they are actually taking me for. And unfortunately, seeing the good and nothing else in people until it's too late has allowed for me to not see when I'm being used, or treated poorly.

I love myself, I treat myself well. I love SO MANY PEOPLE and I treat others just as well.
People make mistakes, and I am not shy of having made any, myself.

I think it is time to be the leaf, to be a leaf in the wind, to be as fiery and passionate as a flame,  to keep the roots I have in the ground planted firmly, not allowing anyone or anything to uproot me, to float to the depths of life as if it is the sea, yet still allow myself self the ability to come up to breathe. I will be my own star in the darkness.  I will be my own rays of light and warmth.

I need people, just as much as anyone else, but I need to find the right people, the ones who...will actually care about me as much as I would care about them.

And for the record, I HAVE those people. I have friends that are exactly that! And I love them each, with all of my heart!

I'm not saying I want to plan out my forever. And I'm definitely not saying that I want someone to spend time with for only Right Now.
What I want is to care about those that deserve what I have to offer,, and to be cared for back in return.

On a lighter note, after work today, I stayed with the kids that I was teaching and pretty much watched after them and got dinner until their parents came home.  It was their mothers birthday and she has been so kind to me, so I am so very very glad that I was able to celebrate singing her happy birthday!
Those girls made my heart feel a light and happy. 😍😂😘 I always love spending time over at their house.

Now I am on my way to go watch a movie with a friend that is back in town; Hopefully I can keep my spirits up after spending a wonderful time with the girls!

21:32.