Bawling about "If I Stay"

So...
It's been a while.

A lot has happened and yet not much is going on.

Dylan will probably be getting this job that he really wants, which means he'll be moving to Washington state.

I always said that I want to return to Washington someday in the next 10 years.

...

Back in high school, my best friend lent me a book she had just read. If I Stay was so heart-wrenching that I refused to read the sequels.
However, (and even though the movie has been out for a while now) I just watched it.

First, it reminded me that I've always been curious about living in Oregon. Something throughout school and driving to and fro and hearing stories and seeing pictures and watching..movies....Something always brings me back to Oregon. This pull. This need to go.

Second, I was told that I could have tried to go to Julliard. And I probably could have...but that wasn't where I felt my life going. My gut always has different plans.

Third, Would Lauren, would Kaylin, Jamie, Drew, Nuri, Andrew, Carson, Rob, Connor, Eduard, James, Ryan, Skylar, Kyle, Andrew, Malia, ...would they all come and visit me if I were thrown into a coma? Would they rush to my side as soon as they heard the news? Or would they wait until there was more permanent news, positive or negative? Or until time was more convenient (work, school, etc.)
I know ALLLLLLL of my family would, from every single which ways and corners that I have family, I know they would all be there. Mostly.
Would my grandfather who lives in Washington fly down with my Aunt, Uncle and Annabelle?
I know Dylan and Caroline would visit. and Most Definitely Theresa. And with all of my heart, I KNOW Shelby would. (PS: My will is that Shelby shall be given custody of all of my stuffed animals.)
At the drop of the words tumbling out of my phone about the news, I would rush to any of their sides, Anyone mentioned above here. I care a lot about these people. These people are who I have made a part of my family in my life..you don't just shy away from family. I would pause work, school, Anything....for the people I care about.
Would my students be told? Would they know that it would warm my heart to know that they, too, visited?

Fourth, I've always wanted to learn how to play cello.

Fifth, I wish I could write songs that were great.

Sixth, I'm still crying. Damn.

My mother always watches these super sad, sappy, romantic movies...("P.S. I Love You")
In a way, there is a sappy romance in this movie, but...it's more than that. It's more well-rounded than that. "If I Stay" has most definitely become my favorite "sad" movie.

Food for music, food for thought,

1:45.