2.1-in-1 Deal!

2-in-1 Deal!
OOOoooh man.

I needed an extra day to regroup. But I'm good. I'm solid. For now..

6 January 2015:
Oh did I laze around. I watched Ringer with my mom until it was time to go teach some singing and piano. It was then on my way to the car to head to work (instead of from the car to my house) that I decided, "hey, why not check the mail? It's not as if a letter will be there anyways because, well, lat's face it...time is a thing here and it's basically prison in there." (Though I still check(ed) every day.) So YES, by some miracle, there was a letter to me. And as excited as I became with it just sitting there beside me on the passenger seat while I was driving to work, I read the entire letter while I was listening to my piano student play for me Clair de lune and River Flows in You. The first half of the letter: Still super happy and jazzed. The second half of the letter....really should have waited until I finished working. But OH my STUDENTS! <3 I love them to bits and pieces because no matter what emotions I am hiding, they always, always bring my spirits up. So then of course, when I got in the car to drive home, I had music playing, and ..yeah. It rained a bit, but I got over it. Ate some salad for dinner. Called Shelby. And then it made sense. She helped remind me of this thing we live in called reality. It doesn't matter what anyone wants, but what we need, and/or don't need. And I shouldn't have to wait for someone who might change their entire being in the next four years. I shouldn't have to feel tethered to someone I am rarely able to see. No matter how much I want to, it isn't what I need. And so, I get it. Shelby reminded me what I had originally stated: "Friends or more, let's stay in each other's lives, and I will accept either decision because it will be the better of the two, surely." Surely. Unfortunately for me, if I'm going to be honest with myself, is that no matter when the hard realistic decision is made, I will end up waiting anyways. Unless I really forget about my feelings (I have an impeccable memory), or they slip away (unlikely, to be truthful), or I am simply told that there were -20% of any emotions or feeling in that way being returned ever, or maybe a truly better guy than he comes along (00 slim chance), then I will stop waiting. The thing about me and my emotions is simple. I will give you the benefit of the doubt, I will see every good side and corner of you, and I will hold onto you for as long as you deserve. BUT. If things "end", I don't get sobby, I don't stop eating, I don't fuss or hate or resent or regret. I simply sever the imaginary rope that is connecting our hearts from your ship to mine and then those hearts float away, never touching again. Seeing each other is fine. Hugging and laughing and hanging out; just fine. Everything would go back to normal as if nothing ever began or changed. I don't do awkward, and I don't do drama. SO there really isn't anything to worry about, for either person. Confession: There will be crying this time when *final* words are spoken about the topic. In which case, check back in with me here around the end of February and see how I'm actually doing. Only time will tell. I only wish for happiness for those I care for in my life. That is all.
Well, not all for this post. Lauren picked me up and I snagged some pizza from her house. I caught her up with everything at work and work, and school (when it starts back up), and people, and family, and my apartment, and my roommate, and the letter, and the poem I was sent...etc. She caught me up with her and then we decided to watch a girl movie for our "girls night". The Devil Wears Prada. It did have a good effect on me, I would say. We we asleep our 1am.

7 January 2015:
Lauren gave me tea! In really cool containers! I love them! <3 (Late holiday gift) And we went and got brunch over at Thyme in the Ranch in Rancho Sanata Fe. Yummy food; expensive though. Once I got home, I rushed around to get ready for work. Music lessons bring me so much joy, I must say. And then I drove to the coast because the sunset was breath-(and attention)-taking. I parked, took a picture (See Picture) of the bleeding heart scene, and wrote the remainder of my response letter to Kyle. Once the sun was gone, I raced on over (as fast as one can in rush hour traffic) to choir rehearsal for Folklore Guild. I really did miss those nerds. <3 Now I'm home and I have taken count of how much water I have had since last night arriving at Lauren's. (5 bottles of water) I started this thing where I drink one full glass of cold water right before I eat every meal. Feels good, and I'm left craving water allllllllll the time!
Tomorrow I should hear more about my car and get it back tomorrow or Friday. (FINGERS CROSSED) Then I can have my stereo installed! :D
Also, I got a free Black Keys CD today. Imma blast that shit until I'm sick of it.






...I am just left with this bittersweet understanding of reality. I'm not only floating in it, but it is getting to the point where I'm almost drowning in the bitter taste as the sweet floats up and away into the stars.

This is my being dramatic.


Bonne nuit. 00:30. (Oh..I guess it's already the 8th. Oops 2.1-in1 deal)