Um.
27 Tuesday 2015:
I............................Oh yeah! So my new friend Sean and I played tourist of Balboa Park on Tuesday morning. We did this because we were on the search for "The Architecture of San Diego" and I thought that around those parts was a good place to look. Obviously there were plenty more in Downtown, but we got a pretty good list from Coronado Bridge and Balboa Park.
I made it home before I had to leave to teach. And I basically taught for the remainder of my day.
Once that was over, I had some time to kill before going to babysit. So of course I called on my dear pal FishBoy to see if he'd accompany to dinner so we could catch up. We did and things are gooooooood.
Babysitting was a pleasant enough of a night. I finished watching the kids movie after the kids went to bed. Pretty solid game-plan for babysitting.
28 Wednesday 2015:
I had Psych and then I had lessons to teach. After the lessons I went and visited my family. (I didn't have to b at babysitting until later) I had dinner and caught up with my mom. My dad played video games and that lulled me into a good hour or so nap before my little sister came home and it was time for me to leave.
Babysitting was.........Same. But I think I watched Gilmore Girls on my phone. ;) :P
29 Thursday 2015:
I opened at the chocolate store today ANOTHER old couple came in and tipped the college fund jar. They then proceeded to ask where I went and what were my goals and plans for my life. I explained and told them all that I had on my plate to answer their questions and they were so impressed that they tipped me an extra $5 on top of the $2 they had given previous conversation. They told me that they believed in me, and even thought we are strangers, they could tell that I would go far. When they left, I cried. I have always had my family's support and belief in me, telling me that I can reach anything I set myself to. But they have had the time to get to know me, to see what I've achieved and failed at, and they still believe in me. But these were strangers! They only had the chance to see the passion in my eyes and the story of my hopes and they were dead set on believing in me! So yeah, I cried. I was overjoyed! :')
Gave the twins their lessons. I think we actually made headway today, so I'm very happy with the sign that I'm actually getting in their head and we're moving forward. :)
Class was...long. And interesting. So much conversation on architecture! And I gave my professor my business cards as he had asked. However, I was a little bummed when he told me that the song I wrote (the one I wrote after his class because he inspired me) was similar to a Randy Newman song. I looked up the song he thought it was and it sounded nothing similar. So either he told me the wrong song (or I searched the wrong song) or maybe I just have something similar to whatever the song is that Randy Newman has. Hopefully it's the latter. I mean, I have only heard the one song by Newman, and it's the song that's in ToyStory. When I wrote the piece, I simply sat there at the piano, played what came to mind, recorded it, and voila! All in one sitting.
Meep.
Well tomorrow is my day off!!!!!!!!! But there is lots to do, lots to do, people to see, and more people to see. But at least I don't have any work. :) And I have friends. Woohoo!
Alright. No netflix tonight, sorry Lorelei and Rory.
Bonnenuit! 23:09.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Monday, January 26, 2015
First time for everything, good thing I'm lucky!
24 Saturday 2015:
- Gave a vocal lesson to one of my awesome students!
- Worked at the chocolate store directly after that and I worked until closing.
- Some friends were supposed to show up at my apartment for a "House-Warming" shindig; small, but a shindig all the same. No one but Johnny showed up, unfortunately.
- Fortunately, a mutual friend of ours was having a party just down the road, so we went there instead.
- Unfortunately, I agreed to play rage-cage, drank one of the cups mixed with beer and vodka, then decided "Sure, I'll smoke a little..", got cross, got SICK for the first time, and fell asleep safely in my friend's bed where no one would bother me and I was looked after.
- I've always, ALWAYS been on the flip side of that situation: I'm usually always the person to take care of others. But this time I was on the opposite end of the deal. It was so embarrassing yet not a big deal at all. I'm glad I had good friends with me. :)
- Fell asleep thinking about someone in particular, and I'm pretttty sure I said their name as I was trying to fall asleep. Reality hit a while ago that we can be nothing but friends...But I still miss this person, and I'll be seeing this person in 3 weeks! I'm excited, but I'm scared of what will be said.
- Woke up and raced home.
- Walked into my bathroom to find the ants had found Vanilla's food bowl in my shower. SO, while still shaky and exhausted, I quickly cleaned that up.
- Showered.
- Slept for about half an hour before having to leave to go to a meeting at the chocolate store.
- Came home after the meeting and slept for 3 and a half hours before leaving again to head back to the chocolate store for my shift. I closed again; this time by myself.
- Once I was finished up, I met up with Dylan to go to Yellow Deli, because, honestly, I haven't been there in TOO long and I missed it so damn much!
- Unfortunately, they no longer make the master blend to where it can be made with other milks. :'( So I had to try out some other flavor and I ended up REALLY not liking it. :(
- Other than the sad drink decision...I had a lovely evening and got to know Dylan better and vice versa.
- I was way to exhausted after putting my laundry away to play piano OR to watch GG OR to blog, so hence: Hi.
26 Monday 2015:
- Between 8-something and 11:30, I was sleeping on and off, but I eventually got up and officially woke up at 11:30.
- Scrammed to my lesson in Rancho Santa Fe.
- Was late to my Psych class. (Which was bad because she is anal about no one ever being late for any reason! [I mean, I can't say I don't understand, it just sucked because today was a day..plus it rained.]
- Learned nothing new in my psych class except the notes I took on the reading could have included a little more than I took.
- Raced back south to Cardiff for 2 other lessons.
- Drove home. Made GF cheesy pasta with bacon.
- Current and present.
I need sleep now. I just finished eating. I nap now.
Saturday, January 24, 2015
Guilty
So I'm still awake and I'm on episode 4 or 5 of the evening.
Vanilla is getting upset that I keep waking her up....awk....When you're cat steps in...
Okay, as soon as this episode is over...
Weird thing is, I had 0 caffeine! I should be overly exhausted!
Oh well.
3:02.
Vanilla is getting upset that I keep waking her up....awk....When you're cat steps in...
Okay, as soon as this episode is over...
Weird thing is, I had 0 caffeine! I should be overly exhausted!
Oh well.
3:02.
Friday, January 23, 2015
Still only today? Plus it's as cold inside as it is out.
I feel like I'm sitting outside on my patio, curled up in blankets that only keep me warm on a shallow level.
Every night when I sign on to post, I think back trying to remember the start if my day and I find myself asking myself: Was that today?? It feels like it's been 2 days, not 1!
I got 95% of my room done today. All that's left are some little clutter-type things to find a home.
I also got my new song "Old Man" uploaded! A link can be found in my previous post.
(Side note: I just check the temperature in my room. Yeah, it's only 39 DEGREES! Sorry, but heater gotta turn on! I mean I have 5 layers on top of me wearing fuzzy pjs...:c)
I got a lot of errands done today on my day off. Bought a welcome mat and a clock and shirts for the chocolate store (Finally!)...
Update on buying the pet door: YEAH! HAVE TO BUY IT ONLINE! Meep.
I guess the most frustrating thing of today was I had to cancel my debit card and request a new one in the mail. So until I get a new one in the mail in about a week or two, I'mma have to be allllll cash...Which is something I never carry. Luckily, I bought everything I needed, so I only have to worry about gas. :) Time to lay low with the moneys for a while.
*
Okay, so there's this thing about me where....unless I have to do something later on that day, I don't want to get dressed simply to wear clothes if I'm not going anywhere because I'd just be putting clothes on to sit there and then take them off: They aren't dirty! I basically just tried them on! Nah, so and then usually, I don't even GET dressed until about a half-hour to an hour before I need to leave because..well..That's just who I am. I love my birthday suit. Of course, I have a robe to put on when the roomie is home or I'm walking around the apartment..derp; common courtesy.
Yeah, so heater time and then ONE episode, ONE...One....only ONE episode of GG.
One.
Got it.
Hopefully.
Nighty-night! :) 23:25.
Every night when I sign on to post, I think back trying to remember the start if my day and I find myself asking myself: Was that today?? It feels like it's been 2 days, not 1!
I got 95% of my room done today. All that's left are some little clutter-type things to find a home.
I also got my new song "Old Man" uploaded! A link can be found in my previous post.
(Side note: I just check the temperature in my room. Yeah, it's only 39 DEGREES! Sorry, but heater gotta turn on! I mean I have 5 layers on top of me wearing fuzzy pjs...:c)
I got a lot of errands done today on my day off. Bought a welcome mat and a clock and shirts for the chocolate store (Finally!)...
Update on buying the pet door: YEAH! HAVE TO BUY IT ONLINE! Meep.
I guess the most frustrating thing of today was I had to cancel my debit card and request a new one in the mail. So until I get a new one in the mail in about a week or two, I'mma have to be allllll cash...Which is something I never carry. Luckily, I bought everything I needed, so I only have to worry about gas. :) Time to lay low with the moneys for a while.
*
Okay, so there's this thing about me where....unless I have to do something later on that day, I don't want to get dressed simply to wear clothes if I'm not going anywhere because I'd just be putting clothes on to sit there and then take them off: They aren't dirty! I basically just tried them on! Nah, so and then usually, I don't even GET dressed until about a half-hour to an hour before I need to leave because..well..That's just who I am. I love my birthday suit. Of course, I have a robe to put on when the roomie is home or I'm walking around the apartment..derp; common courtesy.
Yeah, so heater time and then ONE episode, ONE...One....only ONE episode of GG.
One.
Got it.
Hopefully.
Nighty-night! :) 23:25.
As Promised:
Old Man
https://soundcloud.com/underthemoonlitdrops/old-man
And I sent it to the professor that inspired it. :)
15:54.
https://soundcloud.com/underthemoonlitdrops/old-man
And I sent it to the professor that inspired it. :)
15:54.
MUSIC
I wrote a new song! I wrote a new song! I find the best of my pieces are done in a one-time-run-through as I just play along with the flow. I play what my mind hears it should sound. I had one 4-minute song like this once before..but I do believe I lost it a while back...
But not this one! And even better Rob Archer, my Humanities professor inspired it. I thought of him while I wrote the entire song. He is Doctor Humanities. I heard his theme song in my head and had to play/record it right away.
If I get good enough feedback on it by the end of the semester, I'll send a copy of the file to him so he may listen and keep it.
DUDE!
It felt SO wonderful to write, and write well, and I even learned about a new tool on my digital piano.....So there are two components to the song: Piano and Cello. :D <3 Yes!
GG and the zZ. (Gilmore Girls and then sleep and catching dreams)
I'll share the link to the song on SoundCloud once I have it uploaded. :)
1:37.
But not this one! And even better Rob Archer, my Humanities professor inspired it. I thought of him while I wrote the entire song. He is Doctor Humanities. I heard his theme song in my head and had to play/record it right away.
If I get good enough feedback on it by the end of the semester, I'll send a copy of the file to him so he may listen and keep it.
DUDE!
It felt SO wonderful to write, and write well, and I even learned about a new tool on my digital piano.....So there are two components to the song: Piano and Cello. :D <3 Yes!
GG and the zZ. (Gilmore Girls and then sleep and catching dreams)
I'll share the link to the song on SoundCloud once I have it uploaded. :)
1:37.
Thursday, January 22, 2015
COFFEE at 8pm...
So I am most definitely wired right now.
On top of that, my Humanities class has the best teacher. Rob is this elderly gentleman who reminds me of THE DOCTOR, ironically I brought in my binder with the Tardis on it for that class. He just has so many anecdotes and knows soooo much about places and people and history. I love it! I almost wanted to give him a hug! :) Plus, a good couple of people were interested in my teaching music ;) :)
While I am on this caffeine kick, I am going to finish up the rest of my room, and then write some music. :D
I am amped with creativity, and not only because I am hyper.
Good day (night), folks. I am sure I'll be writing more later on into the evening. :)
21:45.
On top of that, my Humanities class has the best teacher. Rob is this elderly gentleman who reminds me of THE DOCTOR, ironically I brought in my binder with the Tardis on it for that class. He just has so many anecdotes and knows soooo much about places and people and history. I love it! I almost wanted to give him a hug! :) Plus, a good couple of people were interested in my teaching music ;) :)
While I am on this caffeine kick, I am going to finish up the rest of my room, and then write some music. :D
I am amped with creativity, and not only because I am hyper.
Good day (night), folks. I am sure I'll be writing more later on into the evening. :)
21:45.
Opinions.
In your life, yours is all that TRULY matters. Yes. This is true. Of course, if you would like to take into consideration of other opinions, that is up to you.
Step 1: Say something that you feel to be true.
Step 2: Find that not only one person, but several people disagree with you.
Step 3: DO NOT FEEL OFFENDED! Just brush it off as if it is no big deal. Sure you may want to cry, but that's normal. As people, we reach out in hopes of grabbing the attention of those who think similarly and are passionate about the same things. It may not happen often, but it does happen every now and then. No need to cry at your hurt feelings, because honestly...just get over it already.
And while I'm already on here, I saw the most amazing sun as it was on its way to set. It was just after 5pm here on the west coast. I wish I could have taken a picture, but I was driving. Gosh it was so.....breathtaking, truly.
I watched 2, maybe three episodes of Gilmore Girls, and I'm peace'n'out. Bonne nuit for real this time. 0:40.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dhfKp7MX2k
"People find where they belong, or keep on."
Step 1: Say something that you feel to be true.
Step 2: Find that not only one person, but several people disagree with you.
Step 3: DO NOT FEEL OFFENDED! Just brush it off as if it is no big deal. Sure you may want to cry, but that's normal. As people, we reach out in hopes of grabbing the attention of those who think similarly and are passionate about the same things. It may not happen often, but it does happen every now and then. No need to cry at your hurt feelings, because honestly...just get over it already.
And while I'm already on here, I saw the most amazing sun as it was on its way to set. It was just after 5pm here on the west coast. I wish I could have taken a picture, but I was driving. Gosh it was so.....breathtaking, truly.
I watched 2, maybe three episodes of Gilmore Girls, and I'm peace'n'out. Bonne nuit for real this time. 0:40.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dhfKp7MX2k
"People find where they belong, or keep on."
Wednesday, January 21, 2015
Lucky
Dear oh dear oh dear. Lemme just lay it all out for you.
GOT my bathroom organized, officially! (Aside form pet-door being installed and cat-litter-box vacatig my bathroom) And I attempted my room! I'm a little over half-way done. Tomorrow morning I'm going to have to kick myself to really set myself in motion and get-er-done.
Gooooood news! The pets don't hate each other anymore. They are at the "tolerating" stage.
Correction: Vanilla is at that stage. Chai is just as happy of a camper as she could be, all the time. I am so, so, so happy that Vanilla was able to move with me. (Well, actually, she had no choice.....neither did I.)
On a more debatable note, this happened today.
Amy (NRN) posted this link saying "Sign this": https://www.change.org/p/u-s-house-of-representatives-allow-minors-to-change-legal-gender-without-parental-consent?recruiter=27136668&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_term=des-lg-share_petition-no_msg&utm_content=rp_petition_fb_share_desc%3Acontrol
Now, here are how the comments followed. I started things off:
Me: The reason for parents is so that they may guide you and protect you until you are old enough to understand and know things better for yourself.
Unfortunately, not all people who have kids are parents! But, do you know how often kids flip flop ideas and things they think when they're young? It is similar to asking your mom to make your room Barbie themed or Hot Wheels themed, but you eventually grow out of that.
I'm not saying that the decision to want to change your gender is as little as a room theme. But think of this: Out of all of the years a person lives, the years a person spends as a minor under the protection of a legal parent or guardian is minuscule compared to the rest of your life. So why rush this, this BIG life decision withOUT your parent's consent as a minor when you can simply be patient until you are older and more knowledgeable about things and are no longer under your parent's legal protection?
In the case for those who's parents SUCK, just know that patience will reward you splendidly! Otherwise, if your parents agree that it is an okay think to do, then there you go, someone older and wiser than you are agrees with your decision because they know You and know that this isn't an immature decision, but a mature one that will last without regret.
Amy: you do not have authority to speak for the trans community and neither do I but neither of us could ever dream of understanding what they effects of this petition could mean to trans teens going through horrible gender dysphoria and discrimination.
Sure, many people have fluid genders and the way they identify can change. But that is why this law is about pronouns and not something irreversible like hormone therapy.
Me: I just think "Without Parental Consent" is a little harsh. If the parents love and understand you as their child, then the should understand and be supportive if it means that much to you.
If you have Sucking parents, then wait the couple extra years until you're legally an adult.
Lolita: Sarah u fucking titty
Trans ppl die because of their parents
Holy fuck
Amy: Why should they continue to suffer? This legal change, aka having autonomy over something so core to their identity as their gender is essential
Lolita: Why would you lets parents kill their trans children WTfff!!!
Me: You are missing the big picture. And due to your lack of respect towards me, someone you do not even know, I now have the first impression that you are immature.
Am I wrong? If so, please fix your behavior.
I am speaking from a parent's perspective. My mother and I are 17 years apart in age. Anything I need, she supports. Parents Should support their children. Unfortunately, not all parents do, which in my opinion deems them unworthy of being parents.
But if your child goes out and changes some big legal document to without your knowledge while they are under Your protection and responsibility....How would you feel? Wouldn't you be hurt that they never confided in you? Wouldn't the trust you two should have be a bit broken?
Kids are jumping at the bit to be independent! That's wonderful. But then make sure you aren't asking for money, food, clothes, cleaning supplies, a car, gas, concert tickets, furniture, etc from them. If kids want to be I dependent, let me tell you: Independence is expensive, unfortunately. So until you have an education under your belt to support the supporting career you pick out for yourself in life to help pay for EVERYTHING in your life.....accept the help your parents and family offer and deal with the circumstances until you are finally at the independent point in your life.
This is coming from someone who just moved out and became independent. It's hard, really hard. And it's costing me about $1000 a month at Least to be that way.
Monauer: I think feeling hurt can take a back burner to your child's suffering if they aren't allowed to express who they are. you are lucky that your mom is so supportive but many parents are not as a statistic like 41% is unacceptable. everything in this bill is reversible but to say "it just a phase you will change your mind" just because someone is underage invalidates them as people and is just plain rude and ignorant
we're not saying they should move out and be completely independent we are saying they should have the legal freedom to make certain decisions for themselves
Me: Yes. They should. Things that they can do for themselves.
But if you are someone's responsibility for only 18 of the 70-100 years that you live? You can communicate your suffering, or go to someone who Will understand. Do all that you can to express Your Suffering.
And if after all that it still doesn't get through to them, then what's a few more years? You know who you are. Those who DO care about you know who you are. That's what matters in the meantime. I'm saying, as a minor, there are many things we want. Permanently, right now, and desperately.
But patience is a virtue, and if it is that important to you, then it is worth fighting for and being patient for.
Monauer: do you realize though that some people DONT have anyone who can help support them?
those few years can be the difference between life and death
this petition isn't for something permanent though
Me: And those kids are terribly unlucky and my heart Always aches for them. Always.
Monauer: your heart obviously doesn't ache very much or you'd have a little compassion
Me: I have much.
But I don't think kids have it all in their mind. They are not always right, they do not always have things under control.
Prove that you do, and I'll support.
There are also the people who would do this as a joke. Kids will be kids.
I know it isn't. My main point is that a legal, consenting adult should agree with the minor and sign.
To those who have the issue where their parents won't listen: do me one favor (it's for yourself). 1)Try to talk to your parents again. And again. And again. AND again.
2)If you're going to kill yourself, go to a school counselor, since you're still a minor and still attend school. If you are home schooled, talk to your sports coach. Talk to your Friend's parents. Talk to your Aunt/Uncle or your Grandma/Grandpa. Talk to the head of your religious group when you see them next. Please. Search until you find someone who will hear you out! It is worth it. Because if you can't get what you want now, you can freely do so in (give or take a year or two) 4 years.
Monauer: Sarah that is just plain ignorant. you are assuming people have those options
Me: While this issue is tragic, I believe it is wrong to go behind parents' back with a legal issue.
Some people are very narrow minded and do not open their mind up to the endless possibilities of how a person feels or what they enjoy doing or who they find interest in, etc.
I agree that there should be an outlet for these kids, BUT, I think it should be altered so that it's not 100% behind the parents' back.
Monauer: I think when you are in a situation as severe as a lot of kids are it is the only solution. sometimes having parents in every part of your legal life can be very dangerous
Nala: I can understand your wish for parents to have discretion over their children's decisions, but I just don't understand why something as fundamental as one's identity needs to have the approval of their parents. While it's easy enough to pretend that all parents can have a mature conversation about a sensitive issue like this, for too many children, this isn't the reality. Mother or father is not necessarily equivalent to someone who believes in you and supports and cares for you. In extreme cases, a child could be disowned or beaten for even trying to confide this in a parent. This needs to be taken into consideration heavily. I think for a child who is almost certainly going through an extremely difficult time trying to figure out their identity and place in a society that is unaccepting of them, being able to be legally recognized as the gender they identify with could be the only thing they have. When I try to put myself in their shoes, imagining a world in which everywhere I turn people are ridiculing me, discriminating against me, or just dismissing my identity entirely, is quite frankly terrifying. I don't know how long I could handle such a situation without breaking down. Identities are so incredibly important to ALL of us, and I think everyone has a right to be accepted for who they are regardless of a parents or anyone else's opinion. That is why this is important. In an ideal situation, a child will be able to discuss this with their parents and be in an environment that is supportive. But this is for the children who just don't have that option. Legal recognition maybe the only validation they have, and personally, I just can't deny that to anyone. Where is the harm? This is about everyone's right to a sense of self, regardless of age and regardless of parents.
Amy: I completely agree. Dismissing this as just trying on an identity like a hat is extremely offensive. This is their identity and they deserve nothing short of equal treatment.
Keke: This Sarah girl is so fucking dumb
I hope she comments back something to me so I can read how ducking dumb her response is
Haha ducking ^
I mean the f word... Oops
Keke: Here we go^
I'm attacking
I hope you feel attacked
GOT my bathroom organized, officially! (Aside form pet-door being installed and cat-litter-box vacatig my bathroom) And I attempted my room! I'm a little over half-way done. Tomorrow morning I'm going to have to kick myself to really set myself in motion and get-er-done.
Gooooood news! The pets don't hate each other anymore. They are at the "tolerating" stage.
Correction: Vanilla is at that stage. Chai is just as happy of a camper as she could be, all the time. I am so, so, so happy that Vanilla was able to move with me. (Well, actually, she had no choice.....neither did I.)
On a more debatable note, this happened today.
Amy (NRN) posted this link saying "Sign this": https://www.change.org/p/u-s-house-of-representatives-allow-minors-to-change-legal-gender-without-parental-consent?recruiter=27136668&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=autopublish&utm_term=des-lg-share_petition-no_msg&utm_content=rp_petition_fb_share_desc%3Acontrol
Now, here are how the comments followed. I started things off:
Me: The reason for parents is so that they may guide you and protect you until you are old enough to understand and know things better for yourself.
Unfortunately, not all people who have kids are parents! But, do you know how often kids flip flop ideas and things they think when they're young? It is similar to asking your mom to make your room Barbie themed or Hot Wheels themed, but you eventually grow out of that.
I'm not saying that the decision to want to change your gender is as little as a room theme. But think of this: Out of all of the years a person lives, the years a person spends as a minor under the protection of a legal parent or guardian is minuscule compared to the rest of your life. So why rush this, this BIG life decision withOUT your parent's consent as a minor when you can simply be patient until you are older and more knowledgeable about things and are no longer under your parent's legal protection?
In the case for those who's parents SUCK, just know that patience will reward you splendidly! Otherwise, if your parents agree that it is an okay think to do, then there you go, someone older and wiser than you are agrees with your decision because they know You and know that this isn't an immature decision, but a mature one that will last without regret.
Amy: you do not have authority to speak for the trans community and neither do I but neither of us could ever dream of understanding what they effects of this petition could mean to trans teens going through horrible gender dysphoria and discrimination.
Sure, many people have fluid genders and the way they identify can change. But that is why this law is about pronouns and not something irreversible like hormone therapy.
Me: I just think "Without Parental Consent" is a little harsh. If the parents love and understand you as their child, then the should understand and be supportive if it means that much to you.
If you have Sucking parents, then wait the couple extra years until you're legally an adult.
Lolita: Sarah u fucking titty
Trans ppl die because of their parents
Holy fuck
Amy: Why should they continue to suffer? This legal change, aka having autonomy over something so core to their identity as their gender is essential
Lolita: Why would you lets parents kill their trans children WTfff!!!
Me: You are missing the big picture. And due to your lack of respect towards me, someone you do not even know, I now have the first impression that you are immature.
Am I wrong? If so, please fix your behavior.
I am speaking from a parent's perspective. My mother and I are 17 years apart in age. Anything I need, she supports. Parents Should support their children. Unfortunately, not all parents do, which in my opinion deems them unworthy of being parents.
But if your child goes out and changes some big legal document to without your knowledge while they are under Your protection and responsibility....How would you feel? Wouldn't you be hurt that they never confided in you? Wouldn't the trust you two should have be a bit broken?
Kids are jumping at the bit to be independent! That's wonderful. But then make sure you aren't asking for money, food, clothes, cleaning supplies, a car, gas, concert tickets, furniture, etc from them. If kids want to be I dependent, let me tell you: Independence is expensive, unfortunately. So until you have an education under your belt to support the supporting career you pick out for yourself in life to help pay for EVERYTHING in your life.....accept the help your parents and family offer and deal with the circumstances until you are finally at the independent point in your life.
This is coming from someone who just moved out and became independent. It's hard, really hard. And it's costing me about $1000 a month at Least to be that way.
Monauer: I think feeling hurt can take a back burner to your child's suffering if they aren't allowed to express who they are. you are lucky that your mom is so supportive but many parents are not as a statistic like 41% is unacceptable. everything in this bill is reversible but to say "it just a phase you will change your mind" just because someone is underage invalidates them as people and is just plain rude and ignorant
we're not saying they should move out and be completely independent we are saying they should have the legal freedom to make certain decisions for themselves
Me: Yes. They should. Things that they can do for themselves.
But if you are someone's responsibility for only 18 of the 70-100 years that you live? You can communicate your suffering, or go to someone who Will understand. Do all that you can to express Your Suffering.
And if after all that it still doesn't get through to them, then what's a few more years? You know who you are. Those who DO care about you know who you are. That's what matters in the meantime. I'm saying, as a minor, there are many things we want. Permanently, right now, and desperately.
But patience is a virtue, and if it is that important to you, then it is worth fighting for and being patient for.
Monauer: do you realize though that some people DONT have anyone who can help support them?
those few years can be the difference between life and death
this petition isn't for something permanent though
Me: And those kids are terribly unlucky and my heart Always aches for them. Always.
Monauer: your heart obviously doesn't ache very much or you'd have a little compassion
Me: I have much.
But I don't think kids have it all in their mind. They are not always right, they do not always have things under control.
Prove that you do, and I'll support.
There are also the people who would do this as a joke. Kids will be kids.
I know it isn't. My main point is that a legal, consenting adult should agree with the minor and sign.
To those who have the issue where their parents won't listen: do me one favor (it's for yourself). 1)Try to talk to your parents again. And again. And again. AND again.
2)If you're going to kill yourself, go to a school counselor, since you're still a minor and still attend school. If you are home schooled, talk to your sports coach. Talk to your Friend's parents. Talk to your Aunt/Uncle or your Grandma/Grandpa. Talk to the head of your religious group when you see them next. Please. Search until you find someone who will hear you out! It is worth it. Because if you can't get what you want now, you can freely do so in (give or take a year or two) 4 years.
Monauer: Sarah that is just plain ignorant. you are assuming people have those options
Me: While this issue is tragic, I believe it is wrong to go behind parents' back with a legal issue.
Some people are very narrow minded and do not open their mind up to the endless possibilities of how a person feels or what they enjoy doing or who they find interest in, etc.
I agree that there should be an outlet for these kids, BUT, I think it should be altered so that it's not 100% behind the parents' back.
Monauer: I think when you are in a situation as severe as a lot of kids are it is the only solution. sometimes having parents in every part of your legal life can be very dangerous
Nala: I can understand your wish for parents to have discretion over their children's decisions, but I just don't understand why something as fundamental as one's identity needs to have the approval of their parents. While it's easy enough to pretend that all parents can have a mature conversation about a sensitive issue like this, for too many children, this isn't the reality. Mother or father is not necessarily equivalent to someone who believes in you and supports and cares for you. In extreme cases, a child could be disowned or beaten for even trying to confide this in a parent. This needs to be taken into consideration heavily. I think for a child who is almost certainly going through an extremely difficult time trying to figure out their identity and place in a society that is unaccepting of them, being able to be legally recognized as the gender they identify with could be the only thing they have. When I try to put myself in their shoes, imagining a world in which everywhere I turn people are ridiculing me, discriminating against me, or just dismissing my identity entirely, is quite frankly terrifying. I don't know how long I could handle such a situation without breaking down. Identities are so incredibly important to ALL of us, and I think everyone has a right to be accepted for who they are regardless of a parents or anyone else's opinion. That is why this is important. In an ideal situation, a child will be able to discuss this with their parents and be in an environment that is supportive. But this is for the children who just don't have that option. Legal recognition maybe the only validation they have, and personally, I just can't deny that to anyone. Where is the harm? This is about everyone's right to a sense of self, regardless of age and regardless of parents.
Amy: I completely agree. Dismissing this as just trying on an identity like a hat is extremely offensive. This is their identity and they deserve nothing short of equal treatment.
Nala: With all due respect, I've never heard of a time in which being called "fucking dumb" has ever swayed anyone the other way in an argument. I don't think you're dumb, Sarah, I can see where you're coming from. I would just encourage you to try to look at this from a different perspective, maybe assess the net gains for the child and net losses for the parent, etc. This is an important conversation to have, and I know that it can get personal and heated, but we should be able to feel like we can discuss it and share our opinions without being attacked for it.
Me: Nala, you make sense. And I do see from that perspective. And you explained things in a fashion I highly respect. Thank you. Please, keep on with--well, being you. I wish I had known you (as I had others) back when I attended CCA.
When things get heated, you get to see how a person reacts under stress and pressure, let alone emotions. For some, it is a concerned character, or an ill-informed character, or well-rounded character. Or for some, it is a purely immature character.
While few are lucky enough to HAVE those parents that truly support their child, I know of some personally that their parents are just as Nala described that some can be. Most of the time, and most parents, unfortunately, parents are dumb, rude, inconsiderate, and selfish. (I personally think that *those types* should Not be parents) However, terrible or understanding,*most (again, not all, but most) parents are doing what they can in what they have been taught is the best way to protect, teach, and raise their children into healthy, independent adults. I do not condone hiding Legal matters from your parents who are Legally responsible for you. Though there is another topic following the same guidelines "legal without parental consent". Anything from Planned Parenthood. And I support this because --well for many reasons, but most of all, we don't need more idiots becoming bad parents, especially when they aren't even old enough to care for their own selves yet.
After crossing this thought, I sway less toward my hard line decision that parents should know everything before it happens. Because, kids are kids: Parents will not know everything because kids hide a good quarter of their activities efficiently.
I would propose that if a teenager decides to legally change their gender behind their parents' back, then the parents should AT LEAST be notified of it. They Do Need to know.
All in all, it has been quite a day.
I had my first class of the spring semester of my 2nd year. Woo! I am taking Psych with Bonnie Hepburn. How cool of a name is that? And she reminds me of my "Aunt" Lisa. :)
Work was goooooood. I had a good lesson with both of the girls; missed seeing their mom, though.
I visited my own mom and then came home.
I made safron rice and then mixed it with plain yogurt and sprinkled a little salt. Lesson learned: put the rice in the fridge, and THEN once it has had time to cool, mix it with the other stuff. Otherwise it tastes a little funkier than it should.
I still need to head to a pet store and buy the pet door.
Tomorrow Imma (hopefully) finish my room and buy the pet door, go to work, and then head to my evening class: Humanities.
Both of my classes this semester are fairly simple and easy, I think. *fingers crossed* I'm not worried.
Tomorrow Imma (hopefully) finish my room and buy the pet door, go to work, and then head to my evening class: Humanities.
Both of my classes this semester are fairly simple and easy, I think. *fingers crossed* I'm not worried.
OH! And I got to video chat my best friend. <3 :) That made my day. :)
So I found this picture (See picture) with my stuff as I was unpacking. For those of you who are unaware, my mother had me when she was 17, and my father was 23. After a few months, my father dipped out and my mother kept trudging along. Within the year she met my dad (Man who raised me) and married him right before my first birthday. Not only was my own mother one of those kids that PROBABLY should not have had kids with who she was at the time, doing what she was doing.....but having me when she did saved her life, and I repeat this from her own mouth. And I got lucky, because she loves me, she supports me, she understands me, and she hears me out. Plus, I got a dad, too. He is more of the hard-ass in my family...and if I had wanted to be transgender...anytime previous to the last 10 years, my dad probably would have said "Hell No!" So, yes, I do understand at least some perspective. I am a very, very lucky person, through and through. I know this wholeheartedly and I never, ever forget it. I am lucky that on top of my parents, I have a HUGE family from each and every side connected to me that is supportive of me. I love them all so, so much. :') (I actually teared up! So you know I mean it!)
I am not only lucky, but I believe I am blessed. I have come so far! On my own and with their help and love and support. :)
Bonne nuit! Gilmore Girls time! <3 22:40.
So dry, Need lotion.
I moved 10-15 minutes north of where I was living before; WHY is it so dry?
My day backwards, go!:
- Got to play some piano. Super happy about that.
- I vacuumed and swept and mopped.
- I organized the kitchen dishes and shelves and such.
- I organized the fridge, freezer, and pantry.
- I went grocery shopping. I should be set for a good amount of time. :) :p
- I watched some Gilmore Girls.
- I taught 3 piano lessons, and to one of them I also taught a voice lesson. Annette (Not Real Name) is learning to play an easy version of "River Flows In You" by Yiruma. :) She loooooves piano, and does not like the sports so much. :/ I can't say I don't understand her side, because I do, but her mom is good to keep her kids busy with a bunch of activities and events and such.Colleen (NRN), Annette's older sister, was just on TOP of her lesson today. No confusion, no awkward pauses, she just did what I told her to and she got it down, she played really well! And then her vocal lesson was great! I learned that her voice sounds almost identical to Jennifer Lawrence's. Colleen is learning "The Hanging Tree" right now. It's really easy so I think we'll check out a new song next week. Finally I taught Katy (NRN), and she is as bright and joyful and spirited as ever! AND she's been writing her own piano music! All of my students make me laugh every day, and it is truly their own passion of music and arts and BEING AS WEIRD AS I AM that makes my job so fucking awesome and enjoyable. I. Love. Teaching. Music. My students, from 5-65 years old, I love em all!
- I decided to use my desk as a dresser for now.Yikes, man. I really need to find myself a dresser. haha
Tomorrow morning before I head to my first day back at school, I'm going to organize and clean my room as I did the rest of the house today.
Dude I'm tired.
I miss people, though.
I miss a whole bunches of different people.
Bonne nuit. 1:14.
Monday, January 19, 2015
Chapped Lips and a Sore Lower Back
Ay yi yi.
Bought bathroom stuff. And a cabinet for the bathroom so I can not only look fancier but will be able to fit things more easily.
I also bought a dresser-ish-type-thing. That didn't appreciate being assembled, so I will be returning it tomorrow when I return to Target to buy the cat door that I forgot to buy my first visit.
My bathroom looks like a nice bathroom now(aside from a tray of litter and cat feces)!!!
And my bedroom is getting there sloooooooooooowly but surely.
And our living room LOOKS LIKE A LIVING ROOM!
And our dining room LOOKS like a dining room.
I must say I really do like how things are turning out.
NOW! I will not take nor post pictures of the place until AFTER EVERYTHING is finished being unpacked and assembled and put away and organized and put into place. I suspect by the end of the week, no later, promise.
I really do hate chapped lips. I rarely get them, but I've had these for almost a week now and it is REALLY bugging me. :(
A sore lower back is self-explanatory with the move and the packing, etc.
I worked from 9:30-15:00 today at the chocolate store. And then I was supposed to work from 16:00-17:00, but my students had to cancel last second. :/ That leaves me $65 down for this week. I'm going to have to start a policy, man......Meep. Ugh.
I'm pooped. Not even going to watch Gilmore Girls tonight.
Bonne nuit! 23:40.
Bought bathroom stuff. And a cabinet for the bathroom so I can not only look fancier but will be able to fit things more easily.
I also bought a dresser-ish-type-thing. That didn't appreciate being assembled, so I will be returning it tomorrow when I return to Target to buy the cat door that I forgot to buy my first visit.
My bathroom looks like a nice bathroom now(aside from a tray of litter and cat feces)!!!
And my bedroom is getting there sloooooooooooowly but surely.
And our living room LOOKS LIKE A LIVING ROOM!
And our dining room LOOKS like a dining room.
I must say I really do like how things are turning out.
NOW! I will not take nor post pictures of the place until AFTER EVERYTHING is finished being unpacked and assembled and put away and organized and put into place. I suspect by the end of the week, no later, promise.
I really do hate chapped lips. I rarely get them, but I've had these for almost a week now and it is REALLY bugging me. :(
A sore lower back is self-explanatory with the move and the packing, etc.
I worked from 9:30-15:00 today at the chocolate store. And then I was supposed to work from 16:00-17:00, but my students had to cancel last second. :/ That leaves me $65 down for this week. I'm going to have to start a policy, man......Meep. Ugh.
I'm pooped. Not even going to watch Gilmore Girls tonight.
Bonne nuit! 23:40.
Sunday, January 18, 2015
Holy Moly Guacamole! (No guacamole was harmed in the making of this weekend or this post.)
Well. Clearly all 3 days were used up with nothing but moving and rearranging and unpacking and piling and shoving and ...
Friday 16 January 2015:
Drove up to Oceanside, got the keys, checked the place out, and voila. Caroline helped me unpack what I brought in my car as the first load. The second load was crazy, and so was the third load. On the third load though, my parents, sister, and my sister's boyfriend came and helped. There was SO much traffic on the freeway. I was told that somebody was planning on jumping off a bridge and committing suicide on the I-15, so all the other freeways were super uber duper mega jam-packed. I even saw a car get mauled by a truck as I was getting on the freeway.
Saturday 17 January 2015:
My sister is now 17 years old. I told her that once she turned 17, I would take her to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. Fortunately, the next Lingerie night is February, Friday the 13th! Unfortunately, that's the same day that Kyle gets back. So Maaayyybeeee, Hopefullllyyyy.....He might join? I mean, there is PLENTY incentive there. Whatever if he doesn't; I'd understand.
I had a lesson and then a few of the Boiz showed up at my mom's to drive up to Hemet with me. Hemet was......well, Hemet. We got what I needed, and THEN SOME. I most definitely have too many mugs and perfume things.
I went to sushi with my family for my sister's birthday. Her boyfriend was there. Dinner was good, though the spiciness did not aid my chapped lips.
Sunday 18 January 2016:
Was almost to my mother's when my car started having issues. It could have ended up being very bad, but it wasn't. Annnnnd my dad is the best because he not only got the new part, but he fixed the part for me.
My parents and sister helped me get my grandmother's couch and my piano up here. After some shuffling a lot around and unpacking more and putting stuff away and etc etc, things are starting to look more homey.
Carolyn came over after we dropped the parent's back off. She help me organize and move the heavy stuff AND put my bookcase together. She really did a lot and I am sooooo so so grateful.
I think my roomie and her boyfriend were in bed from 3-4pm and on. Apparently Caroline wasn't feeling well. :/ I hope all of my shuffling and unpacking didn't bother her.
Gilmore Girls was a splendid way to end my evening. And this. I am doing this right before turning out my lights and heading to sleep. I have work tomorrowwwww. Back at it! Fun fun, but I get paid, so Wooo!
I will be so happy when the house (apartment) is finally organized and everything is placed where we want it. Right now everything is kind of just shoved in a good spot until we can discuss where would be a better spot.
I'm tired.
Bonne nuit, peoples. Time to go catch some dreams! 23:27.
Friday 16 January 2015:
Drove up to Oceanside, got the keys, checked the place out, and voila. Caroline helped me unpack what I brought in my car as the first load. The second load was crazy, and so was the third load. On the third load though, my parents, sister, and my sister's boyfriend came and helped. There was SO much traffic on the freeway. I was told that somebody was planning on jumping off a bridge and committing suicide on the I-15, so all the other freeways were super uber duper mega jam-packed. I even saw a car get mauled by a truck as I was getting on the freeway.
Saturday 17 January 2015:
My sister is now 17 years old. I told her that once she turned 17, I would take her to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. Fortunately, the next Lingerie night is February, Friday the 13th! Unfortunately, that's the same day that Kyle gets back. So Maaayyybeeee, Hopefullllyyyy.....He might join? I mean, there is PLENTY incentive there. Whatever if he doesn't; I'd understand.
I had a lesson and then a few of the Boiz showed up at my mom's to drive up to Hemet with me. Hemet was......well, Hemet. We got what I needed, and THEN SOME. I most definitely have too many mugs and perfume things.
I went to sushi with my family for my sister's birthday. Her boyfriend was there. Dinner was good, though the spiciness did not aid my chapped lips.
Sunday 18 January 2016:
Was almost to my mother's when my car started having issues. It could have ended up being very bad, but it wasn't. Annnnnd my dad is the best because he not only got the new part, but he fixed the part for me.
My parents and sister helped me get my grandmother's couch and my piano up here. After some shuffling a lot around and unpacking more and putting stuff away and etc etc, things are starting to look more homey.
Carolyn came over after we dropped the parent's back off. She help me organize and move the heavy stuff AND put my bookcase together. She really did a lot and I am sooooo so so grateful.
I think my roomie and her boyfriend were in bed from 3-4pm and on. Apparently Caroline wasn't feeling well. :/ I hope all of my shuffling and unpacking didn't bother her.
Gilmore Girls was a splendid way to end my evening. And this. I am doing this right before turning out my lights and heading to sleep. I have work tomorrowwwww. Back at it! Fun fun, but I get paid, so Wooo!
I will be so happy when the house (apartment) is finally organized and everything is placed where we want it. Right now everything is kind of just shoved in a good spot until we can discuss where would be a better spot.
I'm tired.
Bonne nuit, peoples. Time to go catch some dreams! 23:27.
Thursday, January 15, 2015
False alarm.
No sleeping yet. (Obviously, I'm babysitting still) I told the kiddos that I would be downstairs watching Gilmore Girl on Netflix, (and trust me, I WILL get to that!)
But right now, I needed to get this off my chest:
It is times like these where I am by myself, thinking about my life, my achievements, where I've been, how I got here, and how happy I am, and then I remember that I am unable to share any of this with you. There are certain people in my life that know my heart better, my mind, my thoughts, my soul, who act as my conscience, who share the same dreams as me.....
When I think of my conscience, I think of two people: J1 and my mother.
When I think of my thoughts (as in what I would actually say), I think of two people: E and Jay
When I think of my mind, I think of two people: R and Lauren
When I think about my heart and what it would say, I think of these two people helping me understand it: D and You.
When I think of my soul, I know that these two people understand mine: J2 and Shelby.
And when I think of my future dreams and life goals, I think of K2 and N.
When I am making a tough, tough decision, I picture all of these people sitting around in a circle with me and representing these parts of me.
And you, YOU..............You represent my heart. Should you ever read this, maybe you'll understand that I could never give you up even if you could with me. You are not only a representative of my heart, You Are My Heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love you. I miss you. I just wish you'd wake up and see the big picture. Come back to me, K. </3
21:45.
But right now, I needed to get this off my chest:
It is times like these where I am by myself, thinking about my life, my achievements, where I've been, how I got here, and how happy I am, and then I remember that I am unable to share any of this with you. There are certain people in my life that know my heart better, my mind, my thoughts, my soul, who act as my conscience, who share the same dreams as me.....
When I think of my conscience, I think of two people: J1 and my mother.
When I think of my thoughts (as in what I would actually say), I think of two people: E and Jay
When I think of my mind, I think of two people: R and Lauren
When I think about my heart and what it would say, I think of these two people helping me understand it: D and You.
When I think of my soul, I know that these two people understand mine: J2 and Shelby.
And when I think of my future dreams and life goals, I think of K2 and N.
When I am making a tough, tough decision, I picture all of these people sitting around in a circle with me and representing these parts of me.
And you, YOU..............You represent my heart. Should you ever read this, maybe you'll understand that I could never give you up even if you could with me. You are not only a representative of my heart, You Are My Heart. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I love you. I miss you. I just wish you'd wake up and see the big picture. Come back to me, K. </3
21:45.
Today is still Thursday! And I am a person.
I keep thinking it's Friday. And my particular person has womanly parts.
I guess I'm just excited because I move to Oceanside tomorrow into my first apartment with a roommate.
Today has been, huh, a day, lemme tell you.
It started with watching tv with my mother. (LAST DAY LIVING THERE!)
My trial for a red-light ticket that I did not commit was today. So on our way to that, my mother and I stopped for lunch. Well the place we stopped at ended up taking 35 minutes to get us our food and we almost left without our food. I can't be late to court! They ran out the door after us and gave us twice the amount of money than what we paid and then also our sandwiches. (Later we ended up returning all of the money they handed us because we did eventually get and eat our sandwiches,) So we rush to court and we're waiting forever. Then when the cop came over and sat next to me and started talking to me (After I had specifically stated to him and the judge that I preferred NOT to speak with the officer) and my mother leaned over and said, "No," pointing across me and at him. He looked at her and sternly pointed his finger at her and told her (quite rudely), "Stay out of this!" I told him to please go away and that I did not wish to read or sign the forms he had. He then told me that he would have to read the forms for me later (they were my rights) if I did not read them for myself and sign that I read them. I told him " Okay." Once he walked away I told my mother, "Read them out loud to me, hmm, you know, as if it's your JOB or something." The case was dismissed because I was obviously not the person in the red-light camera.
Came home and packed my car up with all 6 bags of my clothes into the backseat and then set down my back seats so I could have more room in my trunk for tomorrow.
After the lesson, I scanned in the documents that my Honors Program needed and I argued a bit about gender inequality and how I think they should be more balanced out; and not narrow mindlessly voting for only women or only men, but for BOTH! Read the following and if after seeing from my point of view you still see error, feel free to comment and tell me where you disagree.
I raced off to my music lesson with this lovely older lady and made my doctor's appointment or tomorrow afternoon.
I was promoting herself.com and said "This is beautiful. Now if there was a place where everyone could have professional portfolios to show that they aren't ashamed to be who they are. Oh wait, why can't we all just accept that we're all equal, and not feel the need to share nude photos of ourselves to prove that we all have the same parts and are all equally as beautiful and strong as the next person. Oh..right..this is reality where the world is twisted. I am not a feminist. Feminist means that women should gain more recognition, etc. But no, men do too, but not to be more macho, but to be less if they so please. Society has created these standards, these expectations.......it's time to Break those standards, Break those expectations. Yes, most of us happen to match up, but not everybody does: it does not matter what race or gender. There should be equal recognition.
Someone else (SimWeis) commented saying: "'Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common stated aim: to define, establish, and defend equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women.This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist generally self-defines as advocating for or supporting the rights and equality of women.'"
I told SimWeis that all I read from that was "Etc, etc...for woman." "...define, establish, and defend equal political rights FOR WOMEN...equal opportunities FOR WOMEN in education and employment..." etc.
Then this new person (MonAuer) goes and lectures me: "you seem to have a very inaccurate and skewed vision of what feminism is as a movement. and by saying you aren't one but "support equality" instead, shits on all of the women who have suffered and given up rights so that you could express these opinions." and "feminism includes working to dismantle sitgmas and harmful ideologies about men, not just women, and the fact is that without it you, as a girl, would not be allowed to vote, own property, join the military, work outside the home, or even wear pants. (the list goes on). think about that the next time you say you aren't one, or don't support feminism"
I replied with: Traditional vs. modern feminism is the problem here, and you are mashing them together. It's a logical fallacy. Take men and women out of the picture: If I have a job that needs to be done, I will hire whoever comes up to me that can do the best for the job. Does not matter of they have a penis or not. Whichever PERSON fits the bill will be good. That's equality. Because not *every* woman can physically do compared to most men, and there are several things that not *every* man can do compared to what women can. I don't care what GENDER can do what or cannot do what. Pointing fingers is a thing of the past. Can we just look at people as a PERSON and not as this gender or that race? THAT's what I believe.
MonAuer continued: "feminism IS fighting for equality. I'm not saying you should hire the wrong person for a job just because of gender. obviously. but what about the wage gap? the "oh well we're all PEOPLE" statement doesn't apply because no I can't look past gender when I will earn 72% (women of color will make even less) of what a male equal does. obviously there are differences between traditional and modern, seeing as the situation and society have both changed, and the movement has changed to keep up with that. gender and race are important because YOU may not judge but the people in power do. that's why it's #blacklivesmatter and not #alllivesmatter because you as a white person don't have to fight to be treated like a human. the only reason you can say we should ignore gender and race is because you are privileged enough to not have to worry about those things"
For a brief moment DevCon, another person, jumps in with "You need to consider women of other backgrounds. Like women of color and trans women. The average life expectancy of a trans women is 30 to 32 years old. Being white and cis affords you a shield that protects us from a lot. And the definition of feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men."
I went on with telling them that, "I was one of those people that said #alllivesmatter . I believe we're going in circles. Obviously the way it *was, the way it *is and the way it *should be* are different. The way things are now are wrong. Obviously there are things that still need to be balanced out in order for most things to be equal. I wasn't claiming how things are currently, I was stating how I wish things were."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-iFl4qhBsE
I agree with this, especially from 8:52 and on. I just cannot wait until the time where we are no longer obsessing over this and we are all just equally paid, equally accepted or denied, where we are all equal in a more balanced way.
I just think that people should never jump the gun and assume what a person thinks without hearing what they have to say in it's entirety AND being able to understand them from their point of view. You may still disagree with them, clearly, but at least see it from their point of view first before you run your mouth. Otherwise you're simply shallow and narrow minded.
Thank you.
Oh yeah! I'm babysitting right now. I love these kids! :D And the mom rocks! <3
Gooooood night. 21:20.
"One fish
Two fish
Red fish
Blue fish.
Black fish
Blue fish
Old fish
New fish.
This one has a little star.
This one has a little car.
Say! What a lot
Of fish there are.
Yes. Some are red. And some are blue.
Some are old. And some are new.
Some are sad.
And some are glad.
And some are very, very bad.
Why are they
Sad and glad and bad?
I do not know.
Go ask your dad.
Some are thin.
And some are fat.
The fat one has
A yellow hat.
From there to here, from here to there,
Funny things
Are everywhere. Here are some
Who like to run.
They run for fun
In the hot, hot sun.
Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot
Of funny things go by.
Some have two feet
And some have four.
Some have six feet
And some have more.
Where do they come from? I can’t say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
We see them come.
We see them go.
Some are fast.
And some are slow.
Some are high
And some are low.
Not one of them
Is like another.
Don’t ask us why.
Go ask your mother.
Say!
Look at his fingers!
One, two, three…
How many fingers
Do I see?
One, two, three, four,
Five, six, seven,
Eight, nine, ten.
He has eleven!
Eleven!
This is something new.
I wish I had
Eleven, too!" -Dr. Seuss
I guess I'm just excited because I move to Oceanside tomorrow into my first apartment with a roommate.
Today has been, huh, a day, lemme tell you.
It started with watching tv with my mother. (LAST DAY LIVING THERE!)
My trial for a red-light ticket that I did not commit was today. So on our way to that, my mother and I stopped for lunch. Well the place we stopped at ended up taking 35 minutes to get us our food and we almost left without our food. I can't be late to court! They ran out the door after us and gave us twice the amount of money than what we paid and then also our sandwiches. (Later we ended up returning all of the money they handed us because we did eventually get and eat our sandwiches,) So we rush to court and we're waiting forever. Then when the cop came over and sat next to me and started talking to me (After I had specifically stated to him and the judge that I preferred NOT to speak with the officer) and my mother leaned over and said, "No," pointing across me and at him. He looked at her and sternly pointed his finger at her and told her (quite rudely), "Stay out of this!" I told him to please go away and that I did not wish to read or sign the forms he had. He then told me that he would have to read the forms for me later (they were my rights) if I did not read them for myself and sign that I read them. I told him " Okay." Once he walked away I told my mother, "Read them out loud to me, hmm, you know, as if it's your JOB or something." The case was dismissed because I was obviously not the person in the red-light camera.
Came home and packed my car up with all 6 bags of my clothes into the backseat and then set down my back seats so I could have more room in my trunk for tomorrow.
After the lesson, I scanned in the documents that my Honors Program needed and I argued a bit about gender inequality and how I think they should be more balanced out; and not narrow mindlessly voting for only women or only men, but for BOTH! Read the following and if after seeing from my point of view you still see error, feel free to comment and tell me where you disagree.
I raced off to my music lesson with this lovely older lady and made my doctor's appointment or tomorrow afternoon.
I was promoting herself.com and said "This is beautiful. Now if there was a place where everyone could have professional portfolios to show that they aren't ashamed to be who they are. Oh wait, why can't we all just accept that we're all equal, and not feel the need to share nude photos of ourselves to prove that we all have the same parts and are all equally as beautiful and strong as the next person. Oh..right..this is reality where the world is twisted. I am not a feminist. Feminist means that women should gain more recognition, etc. But no, men do too, but not to be more macho, but to be less if they so please. Society has created these standards, these expectations.......it's time to Break those standards, Break those expectations. Yes, most of us happen to match up, but not everybody does: it does not matter what race or gender. There should be equal recognition.
Someone else (SimWeis) commented saying: "'Feminism is a collection of movements and ideologies that share a common stated aim: to define, establish, and defend equal political, economic, cultural, and social rights for women.This includes seeking to establish equal opportunities for women in education and employment. A feminist generally self-defines as advocating for or supporting the rights and equality of women.'"
I told SimWeis that all I read from that was "Etc, etc...for woman." "...define, establish, and defend equal political rights FOR WOMEN...equal opportunities FOR WOMEN in education and employment..." etc.
Then this new person (MonAuer) goes and lectures me: "you seem to have a very inaccurate and skewed vision of what feminism is as a movement. and by saying you aren't one but "support equality" instead, shits on all of the women who have suffered and given up rights so that you could express these opinions." and "feminism includes working to dismantle sitgmas and harmful ideologies about men, not just women, and the fact is that without it you, as a girl, would not be allowed to vote, own property, join the military, work outside the home, or even wear pants. (the list goes on). think about that the next time you say you aren't one, or don't support feminism"
I replied with: Traditional vs. modern feminism is the problem here, and you are mashing them together. It's a logical fallacy. Take men and women out of the picture: If I have a job that needs to be done, I will hire whoever comes up to me that can do the best for the job. Does not matter of they have a penis or not. Whichever PERSON fits the bill will be good. That's equality. Because not *every* woman can physically do compared to most men, and there are several things that not *every* man can do compared to what women can. I don't care what GENDER can do what or cannot do what. Pointing fingers is a thing of the past. Can we just look at people as a PERSON and not as this gender or that race? THAT's what I believe.
MonAuer continued: "feminism IS fighting for equality. I'm not saying you should hire the wrong person for a job just because of gender. obviously. but what about the wage gap? the "oh well we're all PEOPLE" statement doesn't apply because no I can't look past gender when I will earn 72% (women of color will make even less) of what a male equal does. obviously there are differences between traditional and modern, seeing as the situation and society have both changed, and the movement has changed to keep up with that. gender and race are important because YOU may not judge but the people in power do. that's why it's #blacklivesmatter and not #alllivesmatter because you as a white person don't have to fight to be treated like a human. the only reason you can say we should ignore gender and race is because you are privileged enough to not have to worry about those things"
For a brief moment DevCon, another person, jumps in with "You need to consider women of other backgrounds. Like women of color and trans women. The average life expectancy of a trans women is 30 to 32 years old. Being white and cis affords you a shield that protects us from a lot. And the definition of feminism is the advocacy of women's rights on the grounds of political, social, and economic equality to men."
I went on with telling them that, "I was one of those people that said #alllivesmatter . I believe we're going in circles. Obviously the way it *was, the way it *is and the way it *should be* are different. The way things are now are wrong. Obviously there are things that still need to be balanced out in order for most things to be equal. I wasn't claiming how things are currently, I was stating how I wish things were."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p-iFl4qhBsE
I agree with this, especially from 8:52 and on. I just cannot wait until the time where we are no longer obsessing over this and we are all just equally paid, equally accepted or denied, where we are all equal in a more balanced way.
I just think that people should never jump the gun and assume what a person thinks without hearing what they have to say in it's entirety AND being able to understand them from their point of view. You may still disagree with them, clearly, but at least see it from their point of view first before you run your mouth. Otherwise you're simply shallow and narrow minded.
Thank you.
Oh yeah! I'm babysitting right now. I love these kids! :D And the mom rocks! <3
Gooooood night. 21:20.
"One fish
Two fish
Red fish
Blue fish.
Black fish
Blue fish
Old fish
New fish.
This one has a little star.
This one has a little car.
Say! What a lot
Of fish there are.
Yes. Some are red. And some are blue.
Some are old. And some are new.
Some are sad.
And some are glad.
And some are very, very bad.
Why are they
Sad and glad and bad?
I do not know.
Go ask your dad.
Some are thin.
And some are fat.
The fat one has
A yellow hat.
From there to here, from here to there,
Funny things
Are everywhere. Here are some
Who like to run.
They run for fun
In the hot, hot sun.
Oh me! Oh my!
Oh me! Oh my!
What a lot
Of funny things go by.
Some have two feet
And some have four.
Some have six feet
And some have more.
Where do they come from? I can’t say.
But I bet they have come a long, long way.
We see them come.
We see them go.
Some are fast.
And some are slow.
Some are high
And some are low.
Not one of them
Is like another.
Don’t ask us why.
Go ask your mother.
Say!
Look at his fingers!
One, two, three…
How many fingers
Do I see?
One, two, three, four,
Five, six, seven,
Eight, nine, ten.
He has eleven!
Eleven!
This is something new.
I wish I had
Eleven, too!" -Dr. Seuss
Wednesday, January 14, 2015
Impressed.
I actually found a way to post last night while souped up on NyQuil.
I packed today. 6 small boxes of books, 3 boxes of other stuff, and 5 trash bags of all of my clothing. There are some other containers carrying some other various things...........More than likely, once I have found a place for all the thing I actually need, Good Will will be receiving a very generous donation of stuff I do not need.
I have been watching so much Gilmore Girls. Is there a town similar to Star's Hollow? If so, I would very much enjoy living there.
Well, that's all folks.
mEEp, good night. 23:00.
I packed today. 6 small boxes of books, 3 boxes of other stuff, and 5 trash bags of all of my clothing. There are some other containers carrying some other various things...........More than likely, once I have found a place for all the thing I actually need, Good Will will be receiving a very generous donation of stuff I do not need.
I have been watching so much Gilmore Girls. Is there a town similar to Star's Hollow? If so, I would very much enjoy living there.
Well, that's all folks.
mEEp, good night. 23:00.
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
Um...What Again? Ugh. Not Today.
Today was.........................is Tuesday.
So...I concluded...The ear thing added to my feeling uber cold and shaky..............
Could be a good explanation as to the beginning signs of feeling sick as I did last night.
I took NyQuil twice last night. After the first time, I woke up around midnight feeling that it was about 4am, but it wasn't.
Didn't cancel work, and my student's mother made a joke about setting me up with her step-son.
Today has been a series of me curled up in my new quilt watching Gilmore Girls with my mom.
Oh but I did take my cat to the vet today.
I was supposed to start packing today. But with my being sick.....Hopefully I wake up better tomorrow than today. I have a lot to get done tomorrow. And, if there's any time after court on Thursday before I have work, I'll be packing even more.
This is so crazy. It finally hit me today beneath my hazy sickness.
Oi. Yeah Good night. 21:52.
So...I concluded...The ear thing added to my feeling uber cold and shaky..............
Could be a good explanation as to the beginning signs of feeling sick as I did last night.
I took NyQuil twice last night. After the first time, I woke up around midnight feeling that it was about 4am, but it wasn't.
Didn't cancel work, and my student's mother made a joke about setting me up with her step-son.
Today has been a series of me curled up in my new quilt watching Gilmore Girls with my mom.
Oh but I did take my cat to the vet today.
I was supposed to start packing today. But with my being sick.....Hopefully I wake up better tomorrow than today. I have a lot to get done tomorrow. And, if there's any time after court on Thursday before I have work, I'll be packing even more.
This is so crazy. It finally hit me today beneath my hazy sickness.
Oi. Yeah Good night. 21:52.
Monday, January 12, 2015
My body is having an earthquake.
And no, I am not having seizures.
Earlier when I took my nap--I already explained the ear thing. Read the post that's before this one.
So I've been kind of off with talking and walking and hearing!
Hookah was good. Relaxing. :) My chicos showed up a lil late so they didn't get to partake but it was still really good to see em. :) And I like my roommate. Caroline's really chill and sweet.
As we were leaving, I started feeling shaky (and not from the hookah). And I was shivering because I was cold. So I was on my way home when I had the spontaneous urge to........(next topic)
....Go to Vital. I hadn't gone on my own yet, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do much, but I'm glad I went. I really want to get back into the sway of things because I stopped climbing for a while. I ended up doing two easy problems and one that a tiny but harder than 'easy'. By the end of that I was even more shaky, and it was bad. (Side note: ran into one of The Boiz. That was cool even if for a quick sec.)
As I started driving home my leg Kept Shaking! And I just started feeling sick all together. I am so happy now that I'm home and in bed and my cat is cuddling with me, purring away, lulling me to sleep....
...zzzZZZ
Yeah. Good night. Haha :) 1:03.
Earlier when I took my nap--I already explained the ear thing. Read the post that's before this one.
So I've been kind of off with talking and walking and hearing!
Hookah was good. Relaxing. :) My chicos showed up a lil late so they didn't get to partake but it was still really good to see em. :) And I like my roommate. Caroline's really chill and sweet.
As we were leaving, I started feeling shaky (and not from the hookah). And I was shivering because I was cold. So I was on my way home when I had the spontaneous urge to........(next topic)
....Go to Vital. I hadn't gone on my own yet, and I knew I wouldn't be able to do much, but I'm glad I went. I really want to get back into the sway of things because I stopped climbing for a while. I ended up doing two easy problems and one that a tiny but harder than 'easy'. By the end of that I was even more shaky, and it was bad. (Side note: ran into one of The Boiz. That was cool even if for a quick sec.)
As I started driving home my leg Kept Shaking! And I just started feeling sick all together. I am so happy now that I'm home and in bed and my cat is cuddling with me, purring away, lulling me to sleep....
...zzzZZZ
Yeah. Good night. Haha :) 1:03.
Sunday, January 11, 2015
AND I'M SINGING!
I went and signed the lease for an apartment yesterday with Caroline. We get the keys on FRIDAY! Tonight we're going for a celebratory hookah sesh to relax after all the stress.
Last night I rehearsed, recorded, and videotaped with the Folklore Guild. (http://www.folkloreguild.org/) Today we did some more, but we did it in a mausoleum. Beautiful, but creepy. And the rain added a wonderful affect.
I took a nap while my parents watched tv and woke up being able to easily hear my heartbeat in my left ear. It's stillllllllll going. It feels like when you get water stuck in your ear, but that is not the case, so I have no idea. And I already cleaned my ears in hopes maybe there was an earwax blockage or something. Came out clean.
Well enough about my bodily fluids and random such things. I may or may not be on again tonight. <3
22:22.
Last night I rehearsed, recorded, and videotaped with the Folklore Guild. (http://www.folkloreguild.org/) Today we did some more, but we did it in a mausoleum. Beautiful, but creepy. And the rain added a wonderful affect.
I took a nap while my parents watched tv and woke up being able to easily hear my heartbeat in my left ear. It's stillllllllll going. It feels like when you get water stuck in your ear, but that is not the case, so I have no idea. And I already cleaned my ears in hopes maybe there was an earwax blockage or something. Came out clean.
Well enough about my bodily fluids and random such things. I may or may not be on again tonight. <3
22:22.
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Not Yet.
I needed to cry. My body knew that but my mind hid that fact from me. So my body decided to feel in enough pain that would make me cry. As soon as I started, the pain went away. But then I opened a gift from my grandparents. My grandmother had made me a quilt. It is a beautiful quilt with music notes and staffs and colors of red and black and silver and gold; I am not an emotional person, but I teared up at the gift and called them, teary-eyed as I thanked them. Then this giant misunderstanding leading to a giant argument erupted through the house between me and my parents; that got me Bawling. Finally, once everything was resolved, I went to my room to cry some more; this time for the reason my body knew I needed to cry. To let go. I let go of one hand, but I won't let go of the other. Not yet.
xo, Jupiter. 15:46.
xo, Jupiter. 15:46.
Go GO GO Go GO GO Go go
I'm going to write my day backwards:
1) https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10153026648298223&pnref=story
1) https://www.facebook.com/video.php?v=10153026648298223&pnref=story
2) Catching up with an old friend. Talking workout sturff.
3) Got home in the last half hour. My blood is obviously still pumping. WORKED OUT! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! I'M BACK AND STRONGER! I was surprisingly able to jump right back to where I had left off 2 months ago. I feel great, but my hand callouses have to re-form before I can climb longer than 2 hours again. I go to the bouldering gym called Vital. Should Definitely check it out. I insist! http://www.vitalclimbinggym.com/ Any of them are just great and awesome. :) Was able to chill with a good few of my homies while there, too. <3
4) Wasn't able to pick up my car this evening as I had hoped too, so it will have to wait until Monday.
5) Worked for 6 hours at th chocolate storrrre. Had to count 1,300 two-piece boxes. No biggie.
6) Watched tv with my mom and I did laundry. [Side note: I'm eating a dark chocolate trail mix bar as I type all of this and I just ate a piece with raisin. :(((((((( That is all.]
7) Had SO MANY DREAMS last night AND the night before. Here's for round 3!
Nighty night! :) 1:08.
3) Got home in the last half hour. My blood is obviously still pumping. WORKED OUT! YEAH! THAT'S RIGHT! I'M BACK AND STRONGER! I was surprisingly able to jump right back to where I had left off 2 months ago. I feel great, but my hand callouses have to re-form before I can climb longer than 2 hours again. I go to the bouldering gym called Vital. Should Definitely check it out. I insist! http://www.vitalclimbinggym.com/ Any of them are just great and awesome. :) Was able to chill with a good few of my homies while there, too. <3
4) Wasn't able to pick up my car this evening as I had hoped too, so it will have to wait until Monday.
5) Worked for 6 hours at th chocolate storrrre. Had to count 1,300 two-piece boxes. No biggie.
6) Watched tv with my mom and I did laundry. [Side note: I'm eating a dark chocolate trail mix bar as I type all of this and I just ate a piece with raisin. :(((((((( That is all.]
7) Had SO MANY DREAMS last night AND the night before. Here's for round 3!
Nighty night! :) 1:08.
Friday, January 9, 2015
High Pride By The End Of My Day
My day, my day, my day...ooooooh......oh! Right.
1)Coffee
2)This...
3)Plumber, because my sister flushed an eyelash curler down the toilet.
4)P I A N O ! ! !
5)Work time...I have decided to give the twins more time.
6)Television with my family...Two and a Half Men
7)Broskis, Brewskis,
Apples-to-Apples, Hippies and Food.
8)Very much right now and 4 chocolate bon bons and truffles later.
I remembered a discovery I made earlier in the day:
When people go to restaurants and fast food places and they have the machine for you to fill up your own cup, why (unless you're leaving right away) would you pay for the larger size when you can just pay for the smaller/cheaper size and just refill your cup (for free)? Especially if your someone who is on a budget or should be saving money because sometimes it's a difference in a dollar or two, and with how often you *do* eat out...that could be a lot of money spent that could have been put to use elsewhere.
Add two more chocolates and then dropping the entire box on the floor on accident, quickly cleaned it up, and then ate one last bon bon before going to sleep.
Bonne nuit to the max.1:13.
PS: Whilst heads being in the clouds up there, it rained and it was glorious. (Thought from earlier) 1:20.
1)Coffee
2)This...
3)Plumber, because my sister flushed an eyelash curler down the toilet.
4)P I A N O ! ! !
5)Work time...I have decided to give the twins more time.
6)Television with my family...Two and a Half Men
7)Broskis, Brewskis,
Apples-to-Apples, Hippies and Food.
8)Very much right now and 4 chocolate bon bons and truffles later.
I remembered a discovery I made earlier in the day:
When people go to restaurants and fast food places and they have the machine for you to fill up your own cup, why (unless you're leaving right away) would you pay for the larger size when you can just pay for the smaller/cheaper size and just refill your cup (for free)? Especially if your someone who is on a budget or should be saving money because sometimes it's a difference in a dollar or two, and with how often you *do* eat out...that could be a lot of money spent that could have been put to use elsewhere.
Add two more chocolates and then dropping the entire box on the floor on accident, quickly cleaned it up, and then ate one last bon bon before going to sleep.
Bonne nuit to the max.1:13.
PS: Whilst heads being in the clouds up there, it rained and it was glorious. (Thought from earlier) 1:20.
Thursday, January 8, 2015
My Mind.
I take what I have in my life and add to it with a sense of overpowering emotion and passion and nostalgia and feeling as to (definitely) Over express my thoughts or how I feel.
For example, right now, I am righting a song about an old couple having and eerily-romantic conversation about buying two plots of land for themselves. (A conversation a friend of mine overheard)
For example, right now, I am righting a song about an old couple having and eerily-romantic conversation about buying two plots of land for themselves. (A conversation a friend of mine overheard)
Life is...beautiful in happy, sad, amazing, and dark ways. I see beauty in just about everything, so..All I want to do is express that.
xo, Jupiter. 13:34.
"Someday"
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/1028793/someday/
PS: I write poetry. Above is a link to my most recent posting.
The link below is my home page for said poem collection.
Yes, most of it is amateur, though some..Some I am very proud of. :)
http://hellopoetry.com/sarah-lynn-wilkerson/
Ciao <3 2:43.
PS: I write poetry. Above is a link to my most recent posting.
The link below is my home page for said poem collection.
Yes, most of it is amateur, though some..Some I am very proud of. :)
http://hellopoetry.com/sarah-lynn-wilkerson/
Ciao <3 2:43.
2.1-in-1 Deal!
2-in-1 Deal!
OOOoooh man.
I needed an extra day to regroup. But I'm good. I'm solid. For now..
6 January 2015:
Oh did I laze around. I watched Ringer with my mom until it was time to go teach some singing and piano. It was then on my way to the car to head to work (instead of from the car to my house) that I decided, "hey, why not check the mail? It's not as if a letter will be there anyways because, well, lat's face it...time is a thing here and it's basically prison in there." (Though I still check(ed) every day.) So YES, by some miracle, there was a letter to me. And as excited as I became with it just sitting there beside me on the passenger seat while I was driving to work, I read the entire letter while I was listening to my piano student play for me Clair de lune and River Flows in You. The first half of the letter: Still super happy and jazzed. The second half of the letter....really should have waited until I finished working. But OH my STUDENTS! <3 I love them to bits and pieces because no matter what emotions I am hiding, they always, always bring my spirits up. So then of course, when I got in the car to drive home, I had music playing, and ..yeah. It rained a bit, but I got over it. Ate some salad for dinner. Called Shelby. And then it made sense. She helped remind me of this thing we live in called reality. It doesn't matter what anyone wants, but what we need, and/or don't need. And I shouldn't have to wait for someone who might change their entire being in the next four years. I shouldn't have to feel tethered to someone I am rarely able to see. No matter how much I want to, it isn't what I need. And so, I get it. Shelby reminded me what I had originally stated: "Friends or more, let's stay in each other's lives, and I will accept either decision because it will be the better of the two, surely." Surely. Unfortunately for me, if I'm going to be honest with myself, is that no matter when the hard realistic decision is made, I will end up waiting anyways. Unless I really forget about my feelings (I have an impeccable memory), or they slip away (unlikely, to be truthful), or I am simply told that there were -20% of any emotions or feeling in that way being returned ever, or maybe a truly better guy than he comes along (00 slim chance), then I will stop waiting. The thing about me and my emotions is simple. I will give you the benefit of the doubt, I will see every good side and corner of you, and I will hold onto you for as long as you deserve. BUT. If things "end", I don't get sobby, I don't stop eating, I don't fuss or hate or resent or regret. I simply sever the imaginary rope that is connecting our hearts from your ship to mine and then those hearts float away, never touching again. Seeing each other is fine. Hugging and laughing and hanging out; just fine. Everything would go back to normal as if nothing ever began or changed. I don't do awkward, and I don't do drama. SO there really isn't anything to worry about, for either person. Confession: There will be crying this time when *final* words are spoken about the topic. In which case, check back in with me here around the end of February and see how I'm actually doing. Only time will tell. I only wish for happiness for those I care for in my life. That is all.
Well, not all for this post. Lauren picked me up and I snagged some pizza from her house. I caught her up with everything at work and work, and school (when it starts back up), and people, and family, and my apartment, and my roommate, and the letter, and the poem I was sent...etc. She caught me up with her and then we decided to watch a girl movie for our "girls night". The Devil Wears Prada. It did have a good effect on me, I would say. We we asleep our 1am.
7 January 2015:
Lauren gave me tea! In really cool containers! I love them! <3 (Late holiday gift) And we went and got brunch over at Thyme in the Ranch in Rancho Sanata Fe. Yummy food; expensive though. Once I got home, I rushed around to get ready for work. Music lessons bring me so much joy, I must say. And then I drove to the coast because the sunset was breath-(and attention)-taking. I parked, took a picture (See Picture) of the bleeding heart scene, and wrote the remainder of my response letter to Kyle. Once the sun was gone, I raced on over (as fast as one can in rush hour traffic) to choir rehearsal for Folklore Guild. I really did miss those nerds. <3 Now I'm home and I have taken count of how much water I have had since last night arriving at Lauren's. (5 bottles of water) I started this thing where I drink one full glass of cold water right before I eat every meal. Feels good, and I'm left craving water allllllllll the time!
Tomorrow I should hear more about my car and get it back tomorrow or Friday. (FINGERS CROSSED) Then I can have my stereo installed! :D
Also, I got a free Black Keys CD today. Imma blast that shit until I'm sick of it.
...I am just left with this bittersweet understanding of reality. I'm not only floating in it, but it is getting to the point where I'm almost drowning in the bitter taste as the sweet floats up and away into the stars.
This is my being dramatic.
Bonne nuit. 00:30. (Oh..I guess it's already the 8th. Oops 2.1-in1 deal)
.jpg)
OOOoooh man.
I needed an extra day to regroup. But I'm good. I'm solid. For now..
6 January 2015:
Oh did I laze around. I watched Ringer with my mom until it was time to go teach some singing and piano. It was then on my way to the car to head to work (instead of from the car to my house) that I decided, "hey, why not check the mail? It's not as if a letter will be there anyways because, well, lat's face it...time is a thing here and it's basically prison in there." (Though I still check(ed) every day.) So YES, by some miracle, there was a letter to me. And as excited as I became with it just sitting there beside me on the passenger seat while I was driving to work, I read the entire letter while I was listening to my piano student play for me Clair de lune and River Flows in You. The first half of the letter: Still super happy and jazzed. The second half of the letter....really should have waited until I finished working. But OH my STUDENTS! <3 I love them to bits and pieces because no matter what emotions I am hiding, they always, always bring my spirits up. So then of course, when I got in the car to drive home, I had music playing, and ..yeah. It rained a bit, but I got over it. Ate some salad for dinner. Called Shelby. And then it made sense. She helped remind me of this thing we live in called reality. It doesn't matter what anyone wants, but what we need, and/or don't need. And I shouldn't have to wait for someone who might change their entire being in the next four years. I shouldn't have to feel tethered to someone I am rarely able to see. No matter how much I want to, it isn't what I need. And so, I get it. Shelby reminded me what I had originally stated: "Friends or more, let's stay in each other's lives, and I will accept either decision because it will be the better of the two, surely." Surely. Unfortunately for me, if I'm going to be honest with myself, is that no matter when the hard realistic decision is made, I will end up waiting anyways. Unless I really forget about my feelings (I have an impeccable memory), or they slip away (unlikely, to be truthful), or I am simply told that there were -20% of any emotions or feeling in that way being returned ever, or maybe a truly better guy than he comes along (00 slim chance), then I will stop waiting. The thing about me and my emotions is simple. I will give you the benefit of the doubt, I will see every good side and corner of you, and I will hold onto you for as long as you deserve. BUT. If things "end", I don't get sobby, I don't stop eating, I don't fuss or hate or resent or regret. I simply sever the imaginary rope that is connecting our hearts from your ship to mine and then those hearts float away, never touching again. Seeing each other is fine. Hugging and laughing and hanging out; just fine. Everything would go back to normal as if nothing ever began or changed. I don't do awkward, and I don't do drama. SO there really isn't anything to worry about, for either person. Confession: There will be crying this time when *final* words are spoken about the topic. In which case, check back in with me here around the end of February and see how I'm actually doing. Only time will tell. I only wish for happiness for those I care for in my life. That is all.
Well, not all for this post. Lauren picked me up and I snagged some pizza from her house. I caught her up with everything at work and work, and school (when it starts back up), and people, and family, and my apartment, and my roommate, and the letter, and the poem I was sent...etc. She caught me up with her and then we decided to watch a girl movie for our "girls night". The Devil Wears Prada. It did have a good effect on me, I would say. We we asleep our 1am.
7 January 2015:
Lauren gave me tea! In really cool containers! I love them! <3 (Late holiday gift) And we went and got brunch over at Thyme in the Ranch in Rancho Sanata Fe. Yummy food; expensive though. Once I got home, I rushed around to get ready for work. Music lessons bring me so much joy, I must say. And then I drove to the coast because the sunset was breath-(and attention)-taking. I parked, took a picture (See Picture) of the bleeding heart scene, and wrote the remainder of my response letter to Kyle. Once the sun was gone, I raced on over (as fast as one can in rush hour traffic) to choir rehearsal for Folklore Guild. I really did miss those nerds. <3 Now I'm home and I have taken count of how much water I have had since last night arriving at Lauren's. (5 bottles of water) I started this thing where I drink one full glass of cold water right before I eat every meal. Feels good, and I'm left craving water allllllllll the time!
Tomorrow I should hear more about my car and get it back tomorrow or Friday. (FINGERS CROSSED) Then I can have my stereo installed! :D
Also, I got a free Black Keys CD today. Imma blast that shit until I'm sick of it.
...I am just left with this bittersweet understanding of reality. I'm not only floating in it, but it is getting to the point where I'm almost drowning in the bitter taste as the sweet floats up and away into the stars.
This is my being dramatic.
Bonne nuit. 00:30. (Oh..I guess it's already the 8th. Oops 2.1-in1 deal)
Monday, January 5, 2015
My best friend is a better friend than I am...
..Because she sends her packages on time and I keep forgetting to send them!
I have been meaning to send her a package with tea and other gifts and such for almost a year now. Oops. I guess I just get so busy and then so carried away that it spaces my mind.
In other news, my roommate and I were finally and officially approved for our apartment! We move in next Friday on the 16th!!! Oceanside, here we go! I am so excited! This is going to be SO nice.
I also hung out with this girl, Angel today. I saw a couple days ago and realized that I wouldn't mind trying to be her friend again. We grabbed dinner at this cute hidden place in Leucadia. Happy Hour for the win. She told me that she doesn't have a definite person that she can call her friend. She has this person or that person that's here and/or there every now and then; yadda yadda yadda--I decided while she told me this that I would reach out to her more. Surprisingly, with our hair color at opposites or at the same color, we still look alike and get asked if we're twins or siblings. I think she's pretty chill and ...well...2015, here's a go at being a social. Seems to be a common theme.
As a recap of last night after I signed off, I went to get coffee and catch up with a friend. This friend and I had never hung out before, but for unknown reasons we have stayed in contact. Anyways, while I was sitting there in the coffee shop, this group of people walked out and patted this on my table while walking past. (See picture.) It was SO sweet! Some of it was assumed a bit wrong, but YES, it IS TRUE that women love poetry, especially when you write it specifically about them.
Parents are still arguing and my mother sleeps in the living room once more. Therefore, this is a wrap and it's time for the nightly nap. ;)
Day off tomorrow from the chocolate store. But at least I still get to see three of my kiddos! <3
Bonne nuit. 22:03
I have been meaning to send her a package with tea and other gifts and such for almost a year now. Oops. I guess I just get so busy and then so carried away that it spaces my mind.
In other news, my roommate and I were finally and officially approved for our apartment! We move in next Friday on the 16th!!! Oceanside, here we go! I am so excited! This is going to be SO nice.
I also hung out with this girl, Angel today. I saw a couple days ago and realized that I wouldn't mind trying to be her friend again. We grabbed dinner at this cute hidden place in Leucadia. Happy Hour for the win. She told me that she doesn't have a definite person that she can call her friend. She has this person or that person that's here and/or there every now and then; yadda yadda yadda--I decided while she told me this that I would reach out to her more. Surprisingly, with our hair color at opposites or at the same color, we still look alike and get asked if we're twins or siblings. I think she's pretty chill and ...well...2015, here's a go at being a social. Seems to be a common theme.
As a recap of last night after I signed off, I went to get coffee and catch up with a friend. This friend and I had never hung out before, but for unknown reasons we have stayed in contact. Anyways, while I was sitting there in the coffee shop, this group of people walked out and patted this on my table while walking past. (See picture.) It was SO sweet! Some of it was assumed a bit wrong, but YES, it IS TRUE that women love poetry, especially when you write it specifically about them.
Parents are still arguing and my mother sleeps in the living room once more. Therefore, this is a wrap and it's time for the nightly nap. ;)
Day off tomorrow from the chocolate store. But at least I still get to see three of my kiddos! <3
Bonne nuit. 22:03
Sunday, January 4, 2015
The Evening of...
...still today: 4 January 2015
One of the employees skipped work today, and they had opening shift. Long/annoying story short, the store opened up an hour late and thank goodness I knew how to carry out all of the tasks and, you know, had a key to open the door.
Later when another employee showed up for her shift, I was musing on the fact that everyone has an equal perspective. "You know how you have dreams and goals and plans, and you think so heavily in on and upon your own life that it seems so deeply important, almost as if what YOU have to do is the most important thing for YOU to do in that moment of your life? Now, can you picture the fact that everyone around you that is working or driving or shopping or running or reading or, you know what I mean, that EVERYONE thinks like this with their own individual lives? All of the people in their lives are just as important to them as the people that matter to you in your life...Ever think about that?" I have been in an odd mood all day (must be the full moon), but my friend/coworker turns around to me and asks, "Are you high?" She never actually answered, but to her I restated that I truly dislike the feeling I get from being high.
Anyways, those were my main thoughts today as I worked. For dinner I am having grilled chicken sandwiches and salad, and then I'm meeting up withGreg Grant for coffee and possibly hookah, because we never actually hang out, we always just message each other about how life is. New Year, new things to try...like...being social and ACTUALLY leaving my house.
Also, I learned from a customer today this phrase: "muy orgasmo". (She was talking about our darkest piece of chocolate that she had just tasted)
Buenos Noches, amigos. 18:51.
One of the employees skipped work today, and they had opening shift. Long/annoying story short, the store opened up an hour late and thank goodness I knew how to carry out all of the tasks and, you know, had a key to open the door.
Later when another employee showed up for her shift, I was musing on the fact that everyone has an equal perspective. "You know how you have dreams and goals and plans, and you think so heavily in on and upon your own life that it seems so deeply important, almost as if what YOU have to do is the most important thing for YOU to do in that moment of your life? Now, can you picture the fact that everyone around you that is working or driving or shopping or running or reading or, you know what I mean, that EVERYONE thinks like this with their own individual lives? All of the people in their lives are just as important to them as the people that matter to you in your life...Ever think about that?" I have been in an odd mood all day (must be the full moon), but my friend/coworker turns around to me and asks, "Are you high?" She never actually answered, but to her I restated that I truly dislike the feeling I get from being high.
Anyways, those were my main thoughts today as I worked. For dinner I am having grilled chicken sandwiches and salad, and then I'm meeting up with
Also, I learned from a customer today this phrase: "muy orgasmo". (She was talking about our darkest piece of chocolate that she had just tasted)
Buenos Noches, amigos. 18:51.
Morning of...
...4 January 2015
My mind really never stops. It's 10:26 and I'm leaving for Chuao's soon. I actually made my own packed meal for lunch today. FIRST TIME! It's just a sandwich with turkey, mayo and sourdough bread, and then a banana on the side. I have "Count On Me" stuck in my head because that's one of the songs my student sang last night. I always wake up with a song stuck in my head, as if I've been singing it in my dreams. I have a special idea for this song. You'll know when you finally see it.
This morning was brought to you by "Ledges" by Noah Gundersen on Spotify.
Time to scoot. More laters.
xo, Jupiter. 10:30.
My mind really never stops. It's 10:26 and I'm leaving for Chuao's soon. I actually made my own packed meal for lunch today. FIRST TIME! It's just a sandwich with turkey, mayo and sourdough bread, and then a banana on the side. I have "Count On Me" stuck in my head because that's one of the songs my student sang last night. I always wake up with a song stuck in my head, as if I've been singing it in my dreams. I have a special idea for this song. You'll know when you finally see it.
This morning was brought to you by "Ledges" by Noah Gundersen on Spotify.
Time to scoot. More laters.
xo, Jupiter. 10:30.
Saturday, January 3, 2015
2015 IS HERE! ...and then 3 days.
From this point on, I will
use this as a "DEAR DIARY" sort of thing. Someone told me that with
my busy lifestyle and ambitions, I should write about my daily adventures. So
where I may end up combining a couple days to a week (or two) in one post, my
goal is to get everything written down here.
Therefore, today is 3rd
January 2015 (yes, I got it right this time!), and I'll start with two days ago.
1st January 2015: I
did not party last night with all of my friends, nor with my family. Instead I
made time and a half babysitting for 8 hours. So with $240 extra money in my
pocket, I made it home by 4:30 (I use a 24-hour time) and slept in all day and
watched television with my mother and sister. Some piano was involved in my
day, but not too much. Also, I hugged both of my parents individually while
they were bawling...but they're okay and not arguing anymore. Lesson is, don't
smoke cigarettes, because if you decide to quit, tensions will be high. Lastly,
I wrote to Kyle again. I heard from him 18 days after he left for boot camp,
and I wrote back immediately, but I haven't heard from him since and it's been
a month. :/ I miss him but he'll be back in a month and a half!
2nd January 2015: Working
at a chocolate store is fun. People 99% of the time walk out happy, and with
chocolate! And then I helped my friend Nuri, who is basically a brother to me,
I helped him pick gifts out for his girlfriend at Victoria Secret. It was So
Funny. And then I finally had my New Year's celebration with my friend Eduard.
Some other of his friends were over and we and his parents all had dinner. Eddie
and I had drink for drink, and I most definitely got drunk. Almost had to sleep
there, but I sobered enough to think I was capable of driving. I did, and I
made it home safe, but it is not something I will ever do again and it is not
something I will ever condone. Think and always be safe, people!
3rd January 2015: I
woke up shaky, like I could still feel all the sugar from the wine coursing
through my veins. I did not sleep very well, either. Bad decisions. Bad bad
bad. I watched Friends (NOW ON NETFLIX, YESSS) with my mother and sister. I
also came to a realization that I am not the only one who feels we are all lost
on this world. I like the idea that we come from the universe and that we
are made of pieces of the universe. My opinion is that everyone and
everything is made up of universe dust and particles. We are just as much a
part of the universe as what we see out there. We just have sooooo sooooo soooo
much to learn or remember. Dangerous waters. You never know someone's real
opinion, and I get pretty deep and philosophical....some would see it as crazy,
but me.......I just think there's more to all of our lives than what is here.
We are so focused on our individual desires and needs that we don't see or even
realize that there is a bigger picture.
I had a vocal student lesson today. Henrietta Lizette Bowman (fake name) is 11 and an amazing singer. She is very funny and very passionate about having fun while singing. She's even auditioning for America's Got Talent on Valentine's Day this year. I went and saw her perform tonight and she was great!
I got a free latte from a chick named Angel who worked at the cafe;..who I, in an intoxicated mindset, made out with at one point a year ago.
I came home to find my parents watching a movie about a woman who, after having her first child, was unable to carry out a complete pregnancy and birth to a living child. It was while watching this that I remembered a passing thought of something I feared. One of my few fears is that of not being able to get pregnant someday, when the time is right, or never being able to carry to term and miscarrying repeatedly. I do believe that that is one of the reasons I would love to be married and have a child before I'm 30. Sooner or later, time will only bring lessons; all in good time. But when that time does arrive, I will be overjoyed and happy, I know.
But for now, it is time for bed, and I have a 6 hour shift tomorrow working at Chuao Chocolatier in Encinitas, California. And I know, my heart is so frustrating, but before I actually fall asleep, I will think about Kyle some more in hopes that I will get to see him in my dreams, because I really do miss him. When it comes to my heart, I really am such a girl. Iiiiiiiit's embarrassing. Notice how the word embarrassing has the word ass in it, because you could also end up making an ass of yourself while embarrassing yourself...Nah I made that up.
Good night. 23:59. ;)
I had a vocal student lesson today. Henrietta Lizette Bowman (fake name) is 11 and an amazing singer. She is very funny and very passionate about having fun while singing. She's even auditioning for America's Got Talent on Valentine's Day this year. I went and saw her perform tonight and she was great!
I got a free latte from a chick named Angel who worked at the cafe;..who I, in an intoxicated mindset, made out with at one point a year ago.
I came home to find my parents watching a movie about a woman who, after having her first child, was unable to carry out a complete pregnancy and birth to a living child. It was while watching this that I remembered a passing thought of something I feared. One of my few fears is that of not being able to get pregnant someday, when the time is right, or never being able to carry to term and miscarrying repeatedly. I do believe that that is one of the reasons I would love to be married and have a child before I'm 30. Sooner or later, time will only bring lessons; all in good time. But when that time does arrive, I will be overjoyed and happy, I know.
But for now, it is time for bed, and I have a 6 hour shift tomorrow working at Chuao Chocolatier in Encinitas, California. And I know, my heart is so frustrating, but before I actually fall asleep, I will think about Kyle some more in hopes that I will get to see him in my dreams, because I really do miss him. When it comes to my heart, I really am such a girl. Iiiiiiiit's embarrassing. Notice how the word embarrassing has the word ass in it, because you could also end up making an ass of yourself while embarrassing yourself...Nah I made that up.
Good night. 23:59. ;)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)