2.1-in-1 Deal!

2-in-1 Deal!
OOOoooh man.

I needed an extra day to regroup. But I'm good. I'm solid. For now..

6 January 2015:
Oh did I laze around. I watched Ringer with my mom until it was time to go teach some singing and piano. It was then on my way to the car to head to work (instead of from the car to my house) that I decided, "hey, why not check the mail? It's not as if a letter will be there anyways because, well, lat's face it...time is a thing here and it's basically prison in there." (Though I still check(ed) every day.) So YES, by some miracle, there was a letter to me. And as excited as I became with it just sitting there beside me on the passenger seat while I was driving to work, I read the entire letter while I was listening to my piano student play for me Clair de lune and River Flows in You. The first half of the letter: Still super happy and jazzed. The second half of the letter....really should have waited until I finished working. But OH my STUDENTS! <3 I love them to bits and pieces because no matter what emotions I am hiding, they always, always bring my spirits up. So then of course, when I got in the car to drive home, I had music playing, and ..yeah. It rained a bit, but I got over it. Ate some salad for dinner. Called Shelby. And then it made sense. She helped remind me of this thing we live in called reality. It doesn't matter what anyone wants, but what we need, and/or don't need. And I shouldn't have to wait for someone who might change their entire being in the next four years. I shouldn't have to feel tethered to someone I am rarely able to see. No matter how much I want to, it isn't what I need. And so, I get it. Shelby reminded me what I had originally stated: "Friends or more, let's stay in each other's lives, and I will accept either decision because it will be the better of the two, surely." Surely. Unfortunately for me, if I'm going to be honest with myself, is that no matter when the hard realistic decision is made, I will end up waiting anyways. Unless I really forget about my feelings (I have an impeccable memory), or they slip away (unlikely, to be truthful), or I am simply told that there were -20% of any emotions or feeling in that way being returned ever, or maybe a truly better guy than he comes along (00 slim chance), then I will stop waiting. The thing about me and my emotions is simple. I will give you the benefit of the doubt, I will see every good side and corner of you, and I will hold onto you for as long as you deserve. BUT. If things "end", I don't get sobby, I don't stop eating, I don't fuss or hate or resent or regret. I simply sever the imaginary rope that is connecting our hearts from your ship to mine and then those hearts float away, never touching again. Seeing each other is fine. Hugging and laughing and hanging out; just fine. Everything would go back to normal as if nothing ever began or changed. I don't do awkward, and I don't do drama. SO there really isn't anything to worry about, for either person. Confession: There will be crying this time when *final* words are spoken about the topic. In which case, check back in with me here around the end of February and see how I'm actually doing. Only time will tell. I only wish for happiness for those I care for in my life. That is all.
Well, not all for this post. Lauren picked me up and I snagged some pizza from her house. I caught her up with everything at work and work, and school (when it starts back up), and people, and family, and my apartment, and my roommate, and the letter, and the poem I was sent...etc. She caught me up with her and then we decided to watch a girl movie for our "girls night". The Devil Wears Prada. It did have a good effect on me, I would say. We we asleep our 1am.

7 January 2015:
Lauren gave me tea! In really cool containers! I love them! <3 (Late holiday gift) And we went and got brunch over at Thyme in the Ranch in Rancho Sanata Fe. Yummy food; expensive though. Once I got home, I rushed around to get ready for work. Music lessons bring me so much joy, I must say. And then I drove to the coast because the sunset was breath-(and attention)-taking. I parked, took a picture (See Picture) of the bleeding heart scene, and wrote the remainder of my response letter to Kyle. Once the sun was gone, I raced on over (as fast as one can in rush hour traffic) to choir rehearsal for Folklore Guild. I really did miss those nerds. <3 Now I'm home and I have taken count of how much water I have had since last night arriving at Lauren's. (5 bottles of water) I started this thing where I drink one full glass of cold water right before I eat every meal. Feels good, and I'm left craving water allllllllll the time!
Tomorrow I should hear more about my car and get it back tomorrow or Friday. (FINGERS CROSSED) Then I can have my stereo installed! :D
Also, I got a free Black Keys CD today. Imma blast that shit until I'm sick of it.






...I am just left with this bittersweet understanding of reality. I'm not only floating in it, but it is getting to the point where I'm almost drowning in the bitter taste as the sweet floats up and away into the stars.

This is my being dramatic.


Bonne nuit. 00:30. (Oh..I guess it's already the 8th. Oops 2.1-in1 deal)

My best friend is a better friend than I am...

..Because she sends her packages on time and I keep forgetting to send them!

I have been meaning to send her a package with tea and other gifts and such for almost a year now. Oops. I guess I just get so busy and then so carried away that it spaces my mind.

In other news, my roommate and I were finally and officially approved for our apartment! We move in next Friday on the 16th!!! Oceanside, here we go! I am so excited! This is going to be SO nice.

I also hung out with this girl, Angel today. I saw a couple days ago and realized that I wouldn't mind trying to be her friend again. We grabbed dinner at this cute hidden place in Leucadia. Happy Hour for the win. She told me that she doesn't have a definite person that she can call her friend. She has this person or that person that's here and/or there every now and then; yadda yadda yadda--I decided while she told me this that I would reach out to her more. Surprisingly, with our hair color at opposites or at the same color, we still look alike and get asked if we're twins or siblings. I think she's pretty chill and ...well...2015, here's a go at being a social. Seems to be a common theme.

As a recap of last night after I signed off, I went to get coffee and catch up with a friend. This friend and I had never hung out before, but for unknown reasons we have stayed in contact. Anyways, while I was sitting there in the coffee shop, this group of people walked out and patted this on my table while walking past. (See picture.) It was SO sweet! Some of it was assumed a bit wrong, but YES, it IS TRUE that women love poetry, especially when you write it specifically about them.

Parents are still arguing and my mother sleeps in the living room once more. Therefore, this is a wrap and it's time for the nightly nap. ;)

Day off tomorrow from the chocolate store. But at least I still get to see three of my kiddos! <3

Bonne nuit. 22:03

The Evening of...

...still today: 4 January 2015

One of the employees skipped work today, and they had opening shift. Long/annoying story short, the store opened up an hour late and thank goodness I knew how to carry out all of the tasks and, you know, had a key to open the door.

Later when another employee showed up for her shift, I was musing on the fact that everyone has an equal perspective. "You know how you have dreams and goals and plans, and you think so heavily in on and upon your own life that it seems so deeply important, almost as if what YOU have to do is the most important thing for YOU to do in that moment of your life? Now, can you picture the fact that everyone around you that is working or driving or shopping or running or reading or, you know what I mean, that EVERYONE thinks like this with their own individual lives? All of the people in their lives are just as important to them as the people that matter to you in your life...Ever think about that?" I have been in an odd mood all day (must be the full moon), but my friend/coworker turns around to me and asks, "Are you high?" She never actually answered, but to her I restated that I truly dislike the feeling I get from being high.

Anyways, those were my main thoughts today as I worked. For dinner I am having grilled chicken sandwiches and salad, and then I'm meeting up with Greg Grant for coffee and possibly hookah, because we never actually hang out, we always just message each other about how life is. New Year, new things to try...like...being social and ACTUALLY leaving my house.

Also, I learned from a customer today this phrase: "muy orgasmo". (She was talking about our darkest piece of chocolate that she had just tasted)

Buenos Noches, amigos. 18:51.

Morning of...

...4 January 2015

My mind really never stops. It's 10:26 and I'm leaving for Chuao's soon. I actually made my own packed meal for lunch today. FIRST TIME! It's just a sandwich with turkey, mayo and sourdough bread, and then a banana on the side. I have "Count On Me" stuck in my head because that's one of the songs my student sang last night. I always wake up with a song stuck in my head, as if I've been singing it in my dreams. I have a special idea for this song. You'll know when you finally see it.

This morning was brought to you by "Ledges" by Noah Gundersen on Spotify.

Time to scoot. More laters.

xo, Jupiter. 10:30.

2015 IS HERE! ...and then 3 days.

From this point on, I will use this as a "DEAR DIARY" sort of thing. Someone told me that with my busy lifestyle and ambitions, I should write about my daily adventures. So where I may end up combining a couple days to a week (or two) in one post, my goal is to get everything written down here.

Therefore, today is 3rd January 2015 (yes, I got it right this time!), and I'll start with two days ago.

1st January 2015: I did not party last night with all of my friends, nor with my family. Instead I made time and a half babysitting for 8 hours. So with $240 extra money in my pocket, I made it home by 4:30 (I use a 24-hour time) and slept in all day and watched television with my mother and sister. Some piano was involved in my day, but not too much. Also, I hugged both of my parents individually while they were bawling...but they're okay and not arguing anymore. Lesson is, don't smoke cigarettes, because if you decide to quit, tensions will be high. Lastly, I wrote to Kyle again. I heard from him 18 days after he left for boot camp, and I wrote back immediately, but I haven't heard from him since and it's been a month. :/ I miss him but he'll be back in a month and a half!

2nd January 2015: Working at a chocolate store is fun. People 99% of the time walk out happy, and with chocolate! And then I helped my friend Nuri, who is basically a brother to me, I helped him pick gifts out for his girlfriend at Victoria Secret. It was So Funny. And then I finally had my New Year's celebration with my friend Eduard. Some other of his friends were over and we and his parents all had dinner. Eddie and I had drink for drink, and I most definitely got drunk. Almost had to sleep there, but I sobered enough to think I was capable of driving. I did, and I made it home safe, but it is not something I will ever do again and it is not something I will ever condone. Think and always be safe, people!

3rd January 2015: I woke up shaky, like I could still feel all the sugar from the wine coursing through my veins. I did not sleep very well, either. Bad decisions. Bad bad bad. I watched Friends (NOW ON NETFLIX, YESSS) with my mother and sister. I also came to a realization that I am not the only one who feels we are all lost on this world. I like the idea that we come from the universe and that we are made of pieces of the universe. My opinion is that everyone and everything is made up of universe dust and particles. We are just as much a part of the universe as what we see out there. We just have sooooo sooooo soooo much to learn or remember. Dangerous waters. You never know someone's real opinion, and I get pretty deep and philosophical....some would see it as crazy, but me.......I just think there's more to all of our lives than what is here. We are so focused on our individual desires and needs that we don't see or even realize that there is a bigger picture.

I had a vocal student lesson today. Henrietta Lizette Bowman (fake name) is 11 and an amazing singer. She is very funny and very passionate about having fun while singing. She's even auditioning for America's Got Talent on Valentine's Day this year. I went and saw her perform tonight and she was great!

I got a free latte from a chick named Angel who worked at the cafe;..who I, in an intoxicated mindset, made out with at one point a year ago.

I came home to find my parents watching a movie about a woman who, after having her first child, was unable to carry out a complete pregnancy and birth to a living child. It was while watching this that I remembered a passing thought of something I feared. One of my few fears is that of not being able to get pregnant someday, when the time is right, or never being able to carry to term and miscarrying repeatedly. I do believe that that is one of the reasons I would love to be married and have a child before I'm 30. Sooner or later, time will only bring lessons; all in good time. But when that time does arrive, I will be overjoyed and happy, I know. 

But for now, it is time for bed, and I have a 6 hour shift tomorrow working at Chuao Chocolatier in Encinitas, California. And I know, my heart is so frustrating, but before I actually fall asleep, I will think about Kyle some more in hopes that I will get to see him in my dreams, because I really do miss him. When it comes to my heart, I really am such a girl. Iiiiiiiit's embarrassing. Notice how the word embarrassing has the word ass in it, because you could also end up making an ass of yourself while embarrassing yourself...Nah I made that up.

Good night. 23:59. ;)

"Remind me why you're pagan again?"

I like to celebrate the changes as seasons pass.

I enjoy observing the sun and the moon and the stars (astronomy).

I appreciate what the earth gives me, whether it's a simple ray of warm light or something beautiful.

I mold my views and opinions based upon what I think is right.

People ask me if I believe in God. And I do, but not in the same sense because I feel that everything is more connected than simply one definite being. The universe is a web that is constantly answering wishes and desires, changing things for the good of one which may be the bad of someone else which in turn sets off another ripple effect.

I simply close my eyes and place myself at the door to the universe and knock: "Hello! I'm here! I'm home! Haha Let's make life happen!"

People like to think of one God or a God and a Goddess. They are all correct because what I think is that the universe connects with different people in different ways. As one leader. As a mother and father. Etc.

So in that sense, I am a pagan because I appreciate and follow the beautiful things and recognize the ugly. I choose to focus on positive energy rather than negative energy. I see how the world shifts and changes as we cycle through our one small corner of the universe. The universe has so much work to do, but because it is legit connected to everything I think that in a sense, it only works for us and helps us see and guides us when we are equally as ready, motivated, and prepared for what it is we need or desire. Again, sometimes something good for me will fall in a result as something bad for someone else, which in turn it will keep rippling on how My being here effects the universe. I may be a single grain of sand out of all of the sand on this planet, but then, we are also just one planet out of the entire universe..and I can make a big difference for this one tiny corner that we have here in this vast space.

*

ALL OF ME -- JOHN LEGEND

I have decided to start a project.

This project will take place while I am driving and this is because I have countless times been told that I am entertaining to watch/listen to while I drive. Therefore, I am going to place a camera on my dash for every time I drive, and record everything I do. 

Wish me luck!