Dedication takes time and cultivation for the passions we hold dear.
I allow myself to be abundantly me-worthy and give all that I may for others.
Another bonfire shall commence, but this one I believe will speak a truth I should keep in sight into the cold months of 2016; who knows what my decision to move to Washington will be.
I pray, I love, & I dream.
I know wishes come true, so I never need to wonder.
Good..morning. :)
Blessed be.
Friday, June 17, 2016
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
What comforts me most...
I grabbed an old book that I never finished reading, and because it was about this completely other world and reality, and because I was flung smack back into that place, I realized what comforts me most.
When I grab a book or see a forest, a part of my brain depicts almost a shadow: A shadow whose eyes are my own when I look into the mirror, follow me? So whenever I read or my brain is creating imaginative realities, I sense my best friend, myself in all my truest glory; my imagination, my brain.
When I look in the mirror, I stare into my eyes, and what I see in their depths is exactly and everything my imagination is able to create and in the moment of seeing all at once, I feel home, and I feel safe.
Grow imaginations: Grow creativity.
Am I narcissist? I don't know, but I do know I absolutely love my brain, and the brains of every other human being.
We are so incredible, we just have to open our eyes and see the beauty we have within.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Wow. I should apparently not write while high, which I have already done for the evening..
Goodnight. 7/6/16 2:35
When I grab a book or see a forest, a part of my brain depicts almost a shadow: A shadow whose eyes are my own when I look into the mirror, follow me? So whenever I read or my brain is creating imaginative realities, I sense my best friend, myself in all my truest glory; my imagination, my brain.
When I look in the mirror, I stare into my eyes, and what I see in their depths is exactly and everything my imagination is able to create and in the moment of seeing all at once, I feel home, and I feel safe.
Grow imaginations: Grow creativity.
Am I narcissist? I don't know, but I do know I absolutely love my brain, and the brains of every other human being.
We are so incredible, we just have to open our eyes and see the beauty we have within.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^Wow. I should apparently not write while high, which I have already done for the evening..
Goodnight. 7/6/16 2:35
Monday, January 11, 2016
Monday, December 7, 2015
2015
January: Moved into my first apartment.
February: Brought home the newest addition to my family, Fleur (Flake) the Ball Python.
June: Went with my family on a road-trip to Canada and Washington State to visit family and friends.
July: Became the singer/songwriter for the band Cosmic Lullaby.
September: Turned 20; started my third decade. Also, my boyfriend move in with me.
October: I discontinued working at Chuao Chocolatier.
November: Studio tiiiime for Cosmic Lullaby!
Met my biological-father's dad; I MET MY GRANDFATHER!
December: -tba-
February: Brought home the newest addition to my family, Fleur (Flake) the Ball Python.
June: Went with my family on a road-trip to Canada and Washington State to visit family and friends.
July: Became the singer/songwriter for the band Cosmic Lullaby.
September: Turned 20; started my third decade. Also, my boyfriend move in with me.
October: I discontinued working at Chuao Chocolatier.
November: Studio tiiiime for Cosmic Lullaby!
Met my biological-father's dad; I MET MY GRANDFATHER!
December: -tba-
Dear Kaylin,
One year ago, I heatedly poured all of my bottled emotions out onto my best friend-- my sister, and it burned her. There were many factors that fed my outburst, and none of them excuse how I handled myself...
Kaylin, I am sorry. I have learned a lot about myself and others within the past year and I am hoping we can communicate again. I love you and you cross my mind every day.
My cell number is still the same; call me?
Your goof, dork, and Pooh-Bear Companion,
Sarah
Kaylin, I am sorry. I have learned a lot about myself and others within the past year and I am hoping we can communicate again. I love you and you cross my mind every day.
My cell number is still the same; call me?
Your goof, dork, and Pooh-Bear Companion,
Sarah
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
How to Grow Past Depression & Anxiety
Both depression and anxiety are a reality to some people.
BUT IT SHOULD NEVER BE AN EXCUSE!
People learn to live through it, to grow past the grasp those negative tentacles.
1) Inhale. Exhale.
2) Slow down.
3) Inhale. Exhale.
4) Prioritize.
5) Eat.
6) Inhale. Exhale.
7) *Follow through with making your day a gift, not a chore.*
8) Be with, hang with, eat with, laugh with, love those that make you feel positive, happy, genuine, and REAL.
9) ONLY do things that allow you to move in a positive, forward direction. Those priorities you made (above) should be parallel with where you work and what you spend YOUR TIME doing every day.
10) Inhale. Exhale.
There is much love, much warmth, and always a pair of arms wanting to hold you, whether a mom, a dad, a sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, friend, teacher, roommate; even if you were to walk up to a stranger and repeat "I am in desperate need of a warm hug. By chance, may I ask you for a hug?"
Y o u W i l l F i n d A H u g!
Anxiety vs Depression
My senior year in high school, I had irregular heavy periods and cramps that would hurt enough to make me vomit and have hot and cold flashes. So I started on a birth control called the Patch. At the time, I was just beginning my sexually active life and the extra precaution made me feel better. Unfortunately, it also brought my mood to a worsened state of such extremities that I gave up all of my friends and broke up with my boyfriend and hid away. I would cry every night to fall asleep and even went to the extent of writing a suicide note. I never gave it to anyone. I never needed to. The moment I was on the floor in my bathroom, bawling my eyes out with a pair of scissors in my hand was the moment I knew that if I continued on the path I was on without help, then I would fall down such a deep, dark, cold hole.
The next day, a professor of mine for recording arts asked me how I was, sincerely, because that is the type of person he is. He always asked me this, and I always answered in a positive way. He knew I had some struggles with school and college searches and finding a place to live once I hit 18. But this one day, he asked me, looking me in the eye, and I broke right there where I stood. Luckily, most students had already left, but he sat down with me and said that he knew there was more bothering me. I told him I had been suffering and he helped me not only calm down, but re-organize my plans and how I view things. He told me to not give up and keep looking at the light that surrounds us all everywhere. He may not have said these things word for word, but what he doesn't realize is how much he truly helped me.
I went off of the birth control on my own accord. I have experimented with different types since then and have concluded that I don't want to be giving my body a drug with its power, whether positive or negative.
Now.
For those of you who have been on a regular medication (or birthcontrol) and then stopped taking it, you know that your body goes through a withdrawl of sorts where your body's hormones must regulate. I haven't been on birth control since mid-June, 2015. Within the past few months, I have been learning to slowly deal with certain situations and people while my hormones have been haywire. It's been incredibly difficult, but Micah is learning, too, how to help me and understand me.
Personally, I always thought I was just a loose cannon, a looney, a "weird" one, insecure, a loser. That's how far down a negative spiral I was. Rest assured, I am a very confident, independent individual, very happy, very calm, and very present. I know that I was just lost before and that all I needed to do was pull myself out of that particular slump.
I have read several articles and listened to several stories similar to mine, and what people have been calling this "loose cannon, a looney, a "weird" one, insecure, loser" attitude is Anxiety.
I know that when I'm overthinking and stressing myself out and losing myself to my surroundings, or even worse, thoughts........it's irrational. Most people do not have an issue with listening to an entire conversation without their mind sneaking away to run in a direction parallel to what the person is talking about. The amount of times I interrupt people to comment on a passing car, person, or tree, literally, my mind just phases in and then back out.
What truly is dreadful is that when I am the person explaining, lecturing, or telling a story and I interject constantly about this and that little thing the story could probably do without---------AND THEN I FORGET WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!
Poof!
Gone!
Vanished!
Sometimes I can reel it back in and continue, but often time my mind goes blank as if I was never discussing anything.
I have seen signs of my memory, more short-term rather long-term, and mind doing this exactly and it terrifies me.
Micah says I am always psychoanalyzing myself, which is strenuous to my behavior, habits, decisions, and mind.
I have so. many. T H O U G H T S! coursing through my mind at all times of consciousness.
I know mediation is lovely, and I do my best to practice often! But how else do people quiet their minds? Does anyone else ever feel the same?
13:38.
The next day, a professor of mine for recording arts asked me how I was, sincerely, because that is the type of person he is. He always asked me this, and I always answered in a positive way. He knew I had some struggles with school and college searches and finding a place to live once I hit 18. But this one day, he asked me, looking me in the eye, and I broke right there where I stood. Luckily, most students had already left, but he sat down with me and said that he knew there was more bothering me. I told him I had been suffering and he helped me not only calm down, but re-organize my plans and how I view things. He told me to not give up and keep looking at the light that surrounds us all everywhere. He may not have said these things word for word, but what he doesn't realize is how much he truly helped me.
I went off of the birth control on my own accord. I have experimented with different types since then and have concluded that I don't want to be giving my body a drug with its power, whether positive or negative.
Now.
For those of you who have been on a regular medication (or birthcontrol) and then stopped taking it, you know that your body goes through a withdrawl of sorts where your body's hormones must regulate. I haven't been on birth control since mid-June, 2015. Within the past few months, I have been learning to slowly deal with certain situations and people while my hormones have been haywire. It's been incredibly difficult, but Micah is learning, too, how to help me and understand me.
Personally, I always thought I was just a loose cannon, a looney, a "weird" one, insecure, a loser. That's how far down a negative spiral I was. Rest assured, I am a very confident, independent individual, very happy, very calm, and very present. I know that I was just lost before and that all I needed to do was pull myself out of that particular slump.
I have read several articles and listened to several stories similar to mine, and what people have been calling this "loose cannon, a looney, a "weird" one, insecure, loser" attitude is Anxiety.
I know that when I'm overthinking and stressing myself out and losing myself to my surroundings, or even worse, thoughts........it's irrational. Most people do not have an issue with listening to an entire conversation without their mind sneaking away to run in a direction parallel to what the person is talking about. The amount of times I interrupt people to comment on a passing car, person, or tree, literally, my mind just phases in and then back out.
What truly is dreadful is that when I am the person explaining, lecturing, or telling a story and I interject constantly about this and that little thing the story could probably do without---------AND THEN I FORGET WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT!
Poof!
Gone!
Vanished!
Sometimes I can reel it back in and continue, but often time my mind goes blank as if I was never discussing anything.
I have seen signs of my memory, more short-term rather long-term, and mind doing this exactly and it terrifies me.
Micah says I am always psychoanalyzing myself, which is strenuous to my behavior, habits, decisions, and mind.
I have so. many. T H O U G H T S! coursing through my mind at all times of consciousness.
I know mediation is lovely, and I do my best to practice often! But how else do people quiet their minds? Does anyone else ever feel the same?
13:38.
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