Human

I think too much and say a lot of wrong things.

Sometimes I love to be alone. Sometimes, I feel too alone.
And when that happens, I tend to accidentally smother people.
I've gotten better! I don't smother as much..
I guess it just stems from seeing so many people with a solid group or crew and I'm just..sitting at home with my cat, my piano, my books, and pens and paper, and my laptop.
Which is great! I love having these things and being able to spend some quality time with myself. :)
But
At the same time
All of my thoughts flood and pour into the cracks so that I feel stung, just a little bit.

I simply have to remember that I constantly make sure that there is shit I need to take care of, and that I just need to jump to doing those things.

Being a girl is hard.
Being human is hard.

But it's also beautiful.
Fun.
Inspiring.
Amazing!
Impressive.
Courageous.
Creative.
Colorful.
Lucky.

Trust your gut and follow your heart, and all will be well.

Today was the last day I'll have my long hair. In a way, I guess I'm grieving...but I'm also excited!

Meep. 23:00.
Good night.

PS: By the way...it isn't easy posting my thoughts and feelings and ponderings and such. I mean, I am still screening a lot of what I'd like to say...but, I'm at least sharing a good fraction of what runs inside my mind. And I share it so that the whole world could see, if they truly wanted to. 1)I know that no more than 32 people have looked at the things I post. 2)I think it's good for me to make myself vulnerable to some extent in some sort of way...to learn. I have a lot to learn--but then everyone always has a lot to learn until the day we die. Meep Okeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bye for realzies this time. 23:08.

PPS: I lied. Wow..
I need to make sure that readers know...I know I'm down on myself pretty often, I know. But...I only point it out as a way to point it out to myself so that I can read how I felt in the moment, and learn about myself. I say and do a damn great amount of awesome, positive, inspiring and wonderful things. I feel like one of the luckiest people in the world! And I am so happy, so SO happy to be where I am today. I'm even happier because I pushed myself to get to where I am today..I'm proud of myself! And I should be! Yay me!
So I know I don't celebrate and point out all of the awesome things about myself alllllll the time...But......Now that I notice this..I'll try to remember to do that more often when it happens! I just..forget. Because, if I'm in the moment of such happiness and such........I'm not going to be on my laptop, usually, instead I'll be doing something or be with someone and would rather focus on the happy stuff in the moment.
So instead of dwelling in the random spur-of-the-moment-but-is-now-gone feeling of moodiness...I wrote about it..and now it's all gone!

Don't miss understand me, because it is a very easy thing for most people to do.
I, as the person I am, just take some time.
Let the moon phase in and out for a while before deciding on who you think I am.
I am lucky to have those who have stuck by me, no matter how far away they geographically are. <3
23:16.