Human

I think too much and say a lot of wrong things.

Sometimes I love to be alone. Sometimes, I feel too alone.
And when that happens, I tend to accidentally smother people.
I've gotten better! I don't smother as much..
I guess it just stems from seeing so many people with a solid group or crew and I'm just..sitting at home with my cat, my piano, my books, and pens and paper, and my laptop.
Which is great! I love having these things and being able to spend some quality time with myself. :)
But
At the same time
All of my thoughts flood and pour into the cracks so that I feel stung, just a little bit.

I simply have to remember that I constantly make sure that there is shit I need to take care of, and that I just need to jump to doing those things.

Being a girl is hard.
Being human is hard.

But it's also beautiful.
Fun.
Inspiring.
Amazing!
Impressive.
Courageous.
Creative.
Colorful.
Lucky.

Trust your gut and follow your heart, and all will be well.

Today was the last day I'll have my long hair. In a way, I guess I'm grieving...but I'm also excited!

Meep. 23:00.
Good night.

PS: By the way...it isn't easy posting my thoughts and feelings and ponderings and such. I mean, I am still screening a lot of what I'd like to say...but, I'm at least sharing a good fraction of what runs inside my mind. And I share it so that the whole world could see, if they truly wanted to. 1)I know that no more than 32 people have looked at the things I post. 2)I think it's good for me to make myself vulnerable to some extent in some sort of way...to learn. I have a lot to learn--but then everyone always has a lot to learn until the day we die. Meep Okeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Bye for realzies this time. 23:08.

PPS: I lied. Wow..
I need to make sure that readers know...I know I'm down on myself pretty often, I know. But...I only point it out as a way to point it out to myself so that I can read how I felt in the moment, and learn about myself. I say and do a damn great amount of awesome, positive, inspiring and wonderful things. I feel like one of the luckiest people in the world! And I am so happy, so SO happy to be where I am today. I'm even happier because I pushed myself to get to where I am today..I'm proud of myself! And I should be! Yay me!
So I know I don't celebrate and point out all of the awesome things about myself alllllll the time...But......Now that I notice this..I'll try to remember to do that more often when it happens! I just..forget. Because, if I'm in the moment of such happiness and such........I'm not going to be on my laptop, usually, instead I'll be doing something or be with someone and would rather focus on the happy stuff in the moment.
So instead of dwelling in the random spur-of-the-moment-but-is-now-gone feeling of moodiness...I wrote about it..and now it's all gone!

Don't miss understand me, because it is a very easy thing for most people to do.
I, as the person I am, just take some time.
Let the moon phase in and out for a while before deciding on who you think I am.
I am lucky to have those who have stuck by me, no matter how far away they geographically are. <3
23:16.

My To-Do List...

...Before I leave on Thursday.

Tuesday

• DMV --> Car Registration
• Clean out clutter in car
• Clean sheets/laundry
• Clean bedroom
• Put away laundry
• Vacuum apartment thoroughly
• Clean kitchen /  organize fridge/freezer
• Sweep & Mop wherever I can
• Cat Box
• Make "Lists/Directions/Things" sheets for Lauren :p

Wednesday

• Hair
• Carwash/Vacuum
• Pack
• Go climbing
• Steal a kiss from someone*

Bonne nuit...

...That list isn't too bad. :P It's the work hours in the middle of the list that takes up the most amount of time.

1:20.

Ps....LET'S JUST KEEP KILLING PEOPLE & RIDING BEASTS, SHALL WE, GoT!?

To the North and Back!

There are some people that have a vibe to them, a certain glow that surrounds them and extends into those near them.

I have known many people of this sort, but one lady who entered my life most recently and glows so very, very bright, is Lisa Irwin Linksy.

Her heart will never stop growing, her love for music and family is forever inspirational, and I hope that I can aspire to be like her one day.

:) :') <3

CURRENTLY:

I woke Fleur up earlier and now he's just roaming around everywhere; my little adventurer! :')

LATELY:

Well, I always seem to jinx myself. I think jinxing will eventually happen, no matter what, at some point, but I guess I've waited long enough to gush.

I met someone*, completely by chance. About a month and a half ago, I was set up on this really shitty "set up" and, well it went nowhere. But I stayed a little while longer, mustering up enough courage and charm to start a conversation with the attractive guy standing 2 feet away.

Obviously, where I'm going with this is pretty clear.

I wasn't sure what to think for a good while; I had too many questions and self-doubt.

But then when I finally slooooowed the Fuck down and took a moment to really breathe...

I clicked back into place where I felt everything was as it should be, where everything was in balance.

Once I did that, things started going even better.

This guy* is really something. I really applaud his self-drive and motivation to do and continue to do what he loves. His creativity is probably more vast than I can currently imagine, but his humor strikes at every corner; at least, it is when I'm around.

I said this when I met him based off of what I could see and understand at the time: I don't think I've ever been attracted to someone as much I am to him.

But now that I've had a small sliver of time and a chance to get to know him better, I still stand by what I said.

The inspiration that fills the room--much like how it does with Lisa-- is truly astounding!

I like that I see thoughts flicker behind the hazel/green color of his eyes, yet most of the time I am unable to guess what is flashing there. I'm used to always being able to have some sort of idea or guess to the general idea in what people are thinking, but... I like that it isn't as easy with him.

His aura is one similar to Lisa's, as well, though his is shrouded by a thin layer of hazy mist, heavy with lessons yet to be learned about how to decipher his past, how to just be in his present, and how to grow as he enters his future.

Plus, the best compliment I have ever been given came from his mouth.

I strive to be a person that anyone may feel comfortable talking to me, confiding in me, and being able to express or tell me anything.

The fact that I met this man about a month and a half ago and he feels comfortable enough to tell me exactly that, that I have achieved being such a person...

Forever, I know that that is a compliment that will stick with me, no matter where I end up.

COMING UP NEXT:

Tomorrow

-8:30 am, Be at the DMV to pay my car registration that was due back in February

-Work from 9:30-3 at Chuao, & 3:15-5:30 teaching music

-Clean my car out

-Clean my entire apartment (To Do list will follow in next post)

I don't have any specific plans after that, otherwise. Maybe I'll convince someone* to watch a movie with me.

Wednesday

-Chop my hair off to somewhere between my jaw bone and shoulders/more color to my streak

-Maybe grab lunch with someone

-Work from 3:30-6:45 teaching lessons to 5 different students

-Go Home

-Pack for my trip

-Make sure everything is ready and prepared for Lauren to live at my place and use my car while I am away because she is going to take care of my cat!

-Remind people that I wanted to go climbing with them later that night.

-Go climbing for the last time before I return on Sunday, June 28th.

Thursday, June 11-Sunday, June 28th: I leave, roadtrip to the north and back, and return.

Don't worry. I am sure I will have plenty to say while I'm on my trip...my laptop is accompanying me, along with a good assortment of reading material.

Adieu, adieu! 1:10.