"Remind me why you're pagan again?"

I like to celebrate the changes as seasons pass.

I enjoy observing the sun and the moon and the stars (astronomy).

I appreciate what the earth gives me, whether it's a simple ray of warm light or something beautiful.

I mold my views and opinions based upon what I think is right.

People ask me if I believe in God. And I do, but not in the same sense because I feel that everything is more connected than simply one definite being. The universe is a web that is constantly answering wishes and desires, changing things for the good of one which may be the bad of someone else which in turn sets off another ripple effect.

I simply close my eyes and place myself at the door to the universe and knock: "Hello! I'm here! I'm home! Haha Let's make life happen!"

People like to think of one God or a God and a Goddess. They are all correct because what I think is that the universe connects with different people in different ways. As one leader. As a mother and father. Etc.

So in that sense, I am a pagan because I appreciate and follow the beautiful things and recognize the ugly. I choose to focus on positive energy rather than negative energy. I see how the world shifts and changes as we cycle through our one small corner of the universe. The universe has so much work to do, but because it is legit connected to everything I think that in a sense, it only works for us and helps us see and guides us when we are equally as ready, motivated, and prepared for what it is we need or desire. Again, sometimes something good for me will fall in a result as something bad for someone else, which in turn it will keep rippling on how My being here effects the universe. I may be a single grain of sand out of all of the sand on this planet, but then, we are also just one planet out of the entire universe..and I can make a big difference for this one tiny corner that we have here in this vast space.

*

ALL OF ME -- JOHN LEGEND

I have decided to start a project.

This project will take place while I am driving and this is because I have countless times been told that I am entertaining to watch/listen to while I drive. Therefore, I am going to place a camera on my dash for every time I drive, and record everything I do. 

Wish me luck!

"There are those who say fate is something beyond our command. That destiny is not our own, but I know better. Our fate lives within us, you only have to be brave enough to see it." Brave (2012)

People are often finding themselves lost in an infinite spiral where all they feel is desperation so faux that it hurts. Watching movies such as Say Anything (1989), directed and written by Cameron Crowe and starring John Cusack and Ione Sky, or Serendipity (2001), directed by Peter Chelsom and written by Marc Klein, starring John Cusack and Kate Beckinsale, feeds people such hope and many dreams and well frankly John Cusack is worshiped by the ground he walks on. I've never seen a man who looked so all alone yet regardless of reality ends up receiving the universe to fit into his back pocket; John Cusack plays that man in so many heart wrenching films.

The thing about these two movies is that they are every sort of deniable to reality. Romantic comedies, the genre in which these two movies obviously and clearly fit, simply stare reality in the eyes and tell it to “Bite me, because you cannot do it and I will always win.” Why do romantic comedies always take a firm grasp onto the hearts of woman despite their age? Dare I bring in Twilight (2008) for observation and start to choke on that not only unrealistic but simply fanatical obsession.

To have someone wait for you until you realize that you've made the wrong choice and turn, running back to them as they sit leaning against their car outside the church, or outside your window with a boom box, or lying flat on their back looking up at the falling snow, or heaven forbid, jumping up into your window and into your room; why do people desire what they cannot have? That’s a whole other story, let me tell you another time, but why don’t people care anymore to see what’s in front of them? People often times dwell on their past, which is okay to an extent, but the past is meant to teach, not to relive and relive; the future is good to focus on, but it’s not healthy to always be staring at the sky when you’re walking down the road! The current time is the present. By the time I finish writing this, right now will be in my past, but currently, right now are these words at 1:30 in the morning when I have work tomorrow morning; that’s focusing on the future.

Luck, fate, and destiny are all fine and dandy things, truly; I stand out as a representative for the feels. As for luck, I am a damned lucky person; I am and I know it every single day I wake up and every single night (or morning) when I finally get to lie my head down on my pillow that smells like home and go to sleep. Fate is predestined, but destiny is what you do with it; I remember hearing that somewhere or another, and it’s true! I believe that! Though soulmates is another story, and I’ll tell you why.

There are those who believe that when two people are born, they are destined to be with one other person. Here I’m going to quote from one of my favorite movies directed by Andy Tennant:

Henry: Do you really think that there is only one perfect mate?
Leonardo: As a matter of fact I do. 
Henry: Well, then, how can you be certain to find them? And if you do find them, are they really the one for you, or do you only think they are? What happens if the person you're supposed to be with never appears, or she does and you're too distracted to notice?
Leonardo: You learn to pay attention!
Henry: Then, let's say, God puts two people on earth, and they are lucky enough to find one another. But, one of them gets hit by lightning. Then what? Is that it? Or perchance, you meet someone new and marry all over again. Is that the lady you're supposed to be with, or was it the first? And if so, when the two of them were walking side by side, were they both the one for you and you happened to meet the first one first, or was the second one supposed to be first? Is everything just chance, or are some things meant to be? 
Leonardo: You cannot leave everything to fate, boy. She has a lot to do. Sometimes you must give her a hand.

Ever After (1998) is a classic Cinderella story starring Drew Barrymore, Anjelica Huston, and Dougray Scott, as well as most definitely being yet another ‘RomCom’.

            As a young lady of eighteen, I myself often wonder about love and the fairings of my heart with another and if it is “true love” or is it just the stupidity that has our brains collapse to the ground to bow for our hormones as if they were gods. I know I surely won’t know and will never seriously consider such matters until the day I am proposed to and again on the day in which I wed.

            For now, it has come to the point in which my cat has given up on telling me it’s past my bedtime and where my pillow is desperate to reach my ears and whisper sweet dreams to me.

PS—There was most definitely fives pages from my Astronomy Lecture class that I could have been doing instead of both watching Serendipity  and writing these lovely thoughts out to no one in particular because I’m sure I, and my parents (maybe), are the only ones to ever read or even glance at this blog.

[If you did glance or even read this, then please comment below and relay your thoughts, ideas, and especially your feelings toward this; please and thank you.]

S

Song: The Scientist -- Coldplay

January Creative Every Day Project: Past, Present, & Future

“What is life? It is the flash of a firefly in the night. It is the breath of a buffalo in the wintertime. It is the little shadow which runs across the grass and loses itself in the Sunset.”

“When you get home at 10:30pm and look up to see your GINORMOUS "pet" spider in its usual place on its web and, it isn't there.
So you take a closer to look to see if it's in its sleeping corner--it isn't.
Running up the rest of the way of your stairs, you start freaking out about "WHERE THE F IS THE SPIDER THAT IS AS BIG AS MY PALM?!" only to find it sitting there, crouching, all the way right in front of your door, like a dog patiently waiting for its owner to let it inside.
Using the handy-dandy glass cup that you had fortunately left in your car to place over the spider and gently move it over to the side so it would not be knocked over by your dad and sister as they leave in the morning.

TOMORROW: My challenge will be 'How to return this GIANT spider back to his web without dropping it on you and getting bitten"

Wish me luck!”

When you play the Penis game in public with your friend over Snapchat....

 

“I will always fight for what I love and for what I believe in, and I know at times (several, in fact) I have and will seem overbearing or that I'm over-doing it, or that I am simply dramatic or hysterical, but..

I only mean well, and I only mean to express how much I care because I feel not enough people know who are actually there for them. I want those I love and care about to know that I am actually there for them, always and noooo matter what.”

 

“I need to lose myself for a night; go do something outrageous, crazy, insane, and fun. I need to let go of everything that is weighing me down and stressing me out. I need to breathe. I need everything to be right, not for those around me, but for me; once in my life, I need to do only what is good for me. I can't make everyone happy and that's okay, but I have the power to make myself happy and I need to take hold of what I have and run with it. 

I have been gifted with so, so much, and I have so much to be thankful and grateful for, truly! I have Shelby Adkins, my twin, who finally came into my life when we needed each other most, and I know we will ALWAYS have each other, no matter how far away we may seem from each other. I have Kaylin Chapman who will always be the sister and best friend that has my back, my feet, and my hand in hers, and is there for me when I truly, desperately need it. Sydney Grey, who is my best friend since we met 7 years ago, and no matter WHAT, always has my back, my front, my car, my clothes, and I know that I can always turn to her, always, for even the silliest of S.O.S's. Lauren Adams is the friend that inspires me to be better, to be more than I am, to do great things, to imagine and dream, to dare, to try new things and return to the old, to love tea more than I ever had before, and to act the way I want to and be who I want to be, no matter who, what, when, where, why, or how, and I love her dearest, from near to far, no matter where we are in the world. Jamie Dee Hart will always hold a safe spot in my heart, because she is one of the people in the world that truly know me better than myself; she was also the first person to ever stand up for me within seconds before I could do it myself; "Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know you're wrong" from #DropsofJupiter is how she is to me because I know that after, she'll straight up tell me I was wrong, she'll straight up tell me the cold hard truth, and she'll save me time, and time again. Desi McCarthy-Admire and I reach on such a grounded, spiritual level, that only she and I can take a random field in the middle of the night and make it spectacular and amazing; she has given me oh so very, very much: clothes, her bed, the warmth from her family, food from her plate (and if not, she would insist* on always buying me something to eat, always); I love her so much. My grandmother, Cathy Ozbun, who I have such a strong bond with and I love her with all of my heart and soul, and even though I see her and my grandfather at least once a month, it isn't nearly enough, not nearly; she and my grandfather are so loving and thoughtful and have done so much for me and I cannot thank them enough or show enough appreciation. My step-half-aunt-in-law Timmie Ballard, who came into my life Easter of 2011, and has been nothing but a dreamer with hopes and high sights and a confidence that I strive to have; she has gifted me with so, so much that I truly have not the faintest of clues how to show her my gratitude. Amber, you are more than a previous employer, more than a friend; with so much warmth and sunshine escaping every smile, every hug, every laugh that jingles with such a pureness, I am always found in awe; you are family to me, truly you are, and your wisdom has guided me to my own concluding thoughts and inspirations to where there is no comparison. Christy Kellerman Wilkerson gave me life when my accidental beginning could have turned into a nothingness, and is the best mother that she can be and I love her truly, deeply, and so, so much. Ray Wilkerson raised me and my sister, and worked extremely hard for so long, that I'm not sure he knows how to truly relax and appreciate himself; but he is so smart, truly caring deep down, and I love that he's my dad because I wouldn't be who I am today without him. 

I have so much family, so many true friends, that even through the hardest of times, I know I am not alone, not for one hour of any day.

And even with all that I have, I am human. I know I will not have a perfect life, not even close, and with all that I do have, with all of these good things, there are still the 'not-so-good' things that I need to focus on, to fix, to reach past, and to learn from.

We all learn something in the end of each lesson.

But sometimes, you are allowed to take a second for yourself, and only you, and breathe for what feels like an infinite amount of time.”

 

“The name given for the January Moon is, Wolf Moon, this is when shedding and cleansing takes place, the old year is released and the energy of the New Year is beginning. This is a time for releasing yourself from the past and starting anew. 

So, the Wolf Moon is followed by the Black Moon this January and will be gone before the Ice Moon in February.

 

The #BlackMoon lands on a Thursday:

THURSDAY
The energies of this day are conducive to all matters spiritual, the occult, psychic work, and connection with matters legal, and for paying attention to finances or organizing your finances. This day is ruled by the planet Jupiter.”

 

“Met Emily Alyn Lind from #Revenge today at #SixFlags #MagicMountain. She was adorable and sweet. We were in line for the Drop of Doom; SUCH A FUN RIDE!”

“Johnathan Juliano · Jan 3

Alone with her

To be alone is not so tragic,
to be alone, and yet at peace is magic
but oh to be alone with you
That my love is magic meant for two,
For in this life are many troubles,
we both have more than just a few
but when I see the love that lies behind your eyes
My troubles fade from view
And my world is born anew.”

“A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face, she inquired: “How heavy is this glass of water?”

Answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.

She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my arm. If I hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn't change, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”

She continued, “The stresses and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed – incapable of doing anything.”

Remember to put the glass down.”